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I Kan't Spell



Friday, October 31, 2003

 
Dap

Here's to Brady over at Read Street tattoos in Baltimore. Thanks Tim for giving me an idea on where to go. I would tell a story about the experience but I won't, because nothing really spectacular happened. Doug walked in right as he was finishing, and the last 30 minutes of filling it in I had nothing to look at but a fan above me. I started seeing purple and I swear the fan stared talking to me. I think it's because I was on my back for two hours and the filling part definitely hurt a little.(oh man this could border on a homosexual journal entry...oh well) From what I was told the chest is kind of sensitive...so man...that last 30 minutes...was sort of intense....anyway...

I'll send you a pizza from Marengo next week. I recommend them if you are in the area and you haven't had a tattoo. Because the worst thing about the tattoo experience is that intimidation that you have to go through when you go in. I mean there are dudes in there all tatted up to the neck and you're like, "Umm I'd like this little turdy thing". It's kind of intimidating, but these guys were totally cool...Even to a tool like myself. Cheers Read Street Tattoo!

 
Peg's New Name

Ok so we all knew that I was going to have to name the tattoo. I nickname everything. I don't think there is one person I know that I haven't given a nickname too...hell some people have 4 or 5. And most appliances in my house have a nickname. But the name of my tattoo is "Marengo". That was the name of Napoleon's horse. Although his horse was white, I felt it fit considering my short stature and field general mentatlity. So...to Marengo!

 
The Tat is On and I am Out

I'll be in NYC for the extended weekend. That tattoo looks incredible. I love it more than anything. Woohoo!



Thursday, October 30, 2003

 
1 Union Square

I Found some good links on the msytery that is the hand, the steam, the moon, and the clock.
It's definately in depth. Hope you boys enjoy this. The msytery can be laid to rest.

Short Cheesy Thing
Artist Web Page
Here we go



Wednesday, October 29, 2003

 
Holy Macromedia Love

Have you seen this "Breeze" thing. The topic is about trackback and XML and stuff. But the load time, and the interface is just love. This thing rules!

 
Going Up

The price of industry and scholarly magazines are apparently going to shoot up. One of the most sage pieces of advice I ever received from my father is that the future is already around. All you have to do is read industry and scholarly magazines. Then watch what companies the Gov't buys and then jump on the wagon. I haven't seen many trends that that advice has molded to. Anyway, buy more scholarly magazines people!

 
A Damn Good Idea

This post is basically about altering IQ. I like this guy's writing. Take your IQ and then add in different ingrediants like, "How many times I get angry/lazy/stupid/...." I'll let your read it.

My titles are really starting to slip by the way.

 
Well Now We are Getting all Political

Here are some interesting links and articles relating to homeland security. The same people who brought you these great safety images.

  1. Anti-terrorism laws working outside of it's realm. They took some money from people in other countries bank accounts. The scariest quote is this,
    • "Under the counterterrorism measures approved by Congress after the Sept. 11 attacks, prosecutors are not even required to trace the money back to the target of an investigation"
    • "Officials at the State Department, however, have raised concerns over the practice ; in part because most of the seizures have involved fraud and money-laundering investigations that are unrelated to terrorism."

  2. Watch what you check out.
    • "(new type of sign) a warning that records of the books they borrow may wind up in the hands of federal agents. The signs, posted in the 10 county branches last week and on the library's Web site, also inform the reader that the USA Patriot Act "prohibits library workers from informing you if federal agents have obtained records about you." --What the hell does this have to do with anything that is considered terrorism. Bomb making via your local library. Dear God.
    • "The Justice Department says libraries have become a logical target of surveillance in light of evidence that some Sept. 11 hijackers used library computers to communicate with each other. " -- They probably ate at Burger King once too. Let's get cameras up in there as well.
    • "Unlike conventional search warrants, there is no need for agents to show that the target is suspected of a crime or possesses evidence of a crime. As the Santa Cruz signs indicate, the law prohibits libraries and bookstores from telling their patrons, or anyone else, that the FBI has sought the records. " That's enough. This is just horrible.

  3. It gets worse
    • "The Transportation Security Administration awarded a $12.8 million contract Friday to Lockheed Martin Corp. to link commercial databases, such as credit histories, with airline travel data and government terrorist watch lists. The idea is to use the information to assign a risk level --- green, yellow or red --- to all travelers before they get to the airport. Those with higher risk levels would get extra scrutiny, which the TSA says would lead to more effective security. " We need to find out what all these agencies do. The transport administration is in charge of giving me a color that tells people whether or not I may be a terrorist. I don't even mind the term terrorist. Their branding ain't working on me. I still fear rapists, pedaphiles, and murderers much more. So you guys are really dropping the ball in the branding department . I guess they didn't read their 22 immutable laws.


Here's that quote I've been looking for "The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either" BF

 
Doug Engelbart

I don't know if you guys ever heard of this man but apparently he is one of the forefathers of knowledge thought. He started computational communities and had hands on time with the first mouse and the first window.

Here are some Engelbart links.
  1. Short Bio
  2. MIT Bio
  3. Some footage of him jivin'
  4. A nice interview with the cat


    "Yes. I have always believed that the complexity of the problems facing mankind is growing faster than our ability to solve them. Therefore, finding ways to augment our intellect would seem to be both a necessary and a desirable goal. "

    "The actual invention of the mouse was the result of analyzing the various characteristics of other pointing/input devices. Much as the Periodic Table of the Elements has characteristics which define groups along rows and columns, we laid out a grid of existing devices. And just as the periodic table’s rules have led to the discovery of certain previously unknown elements, this grid ultimately defined the desirable characteristics of a device that didn’t exist. That device was the mouse."



 
Haloscan

Enetation has been kicked to the curb. Bye Bye you piece of total crap.

 
Ready.gov Pics

I can't seem to fit all these on here so I just made a link. Actually I may make a new blog if I can keep finding interesting stuff out there. But for now you can find all the stuff from ready.gov here.

 
Holy Smart

I was just clicking around IBM's website looking for models to put into my "Famous Asians of Tech Websites" portfolio and as I was just randomly clicking on whatever looked like it might have human banners. IBM thinks to itself, "This guy is lost. Let me explain to him how are web page works." So this little pop up shows up and says, "Are you lost? Try these links. I want to buy something. I want to talk to someone. I want to find more information about IBM's corporate servivcs." That's wonderful. I mean they could have done more but I thought the "Are you lost?" idea was great. I'm goign to see if I can't emmulate it again.

 
Allrighty...Time For a Break

20 Personalized emails sent out to companies in the e-learning field explainig why I want to work for them. Man that shit was tiring. And then I went back just now and saw that I once again spelled words wrong. Oy! Anyway...this process of finding the tech department or the learning department and meailing them directly and skipping HR seems to work really well. There are three companies that I have phone interviews with today and tomorrow. Oddly none have called today. But I remain really optimistic.

Oh and some other off shoot good news...well sorta good...my house is not sold just yet. So I still have a place to live. The loan for that woman fell through. So I may have at least until the middle of Deecmber...We go sell it again today. For the same price...btu I woudl imagine the closing date is a little later...and then my friend is moving out of his room in this nice big house in Federal Hill in the beginning of January. I can go crash there I think. Or at least off to Korea...I got a call today from a recruiter in Korea. It wasn't really making me want to go back all that much. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. You know. If nothing shakes here after all this work and effort to try and just get a job in the firiggin mailroom of places that I actually believe in...then I gotta I'm Gilligan again.

 
Asian Persuasion

Has anybody noticed that all the tech companies have at least one Asian woman in the their website looking really hot and angry or promiscuously confident. You know that's no coincidence. You want to know why? Because they are that hot and you want to buy products when you see those piercing eyes looking over (or mostly, head tilted to the side peering past a monitor) that laptop. Mainly I think it has to do with the stereotype that Asian people are more technically proficient than other cultures. This may be true considering my time overseas. But, I know they trade a whole lot by engulfing their life into RPG games and long nights of Mountain Dew and bowls of ramin. Anyway...it's what I've been noticing all day. I may go out and find all the famous Asian faces of today's tech sites...or just the ethno-centric happy fun stuff that lies out on the web...ooh that's another good idea for the pictures thing. That's my new thing for the rest of the week by the way....finding pictures.

This is hilarious
Holy Crap I'm buying this shirt

 
Randoms While I Play Spades

  • This is the first time I have heard that Johnny Cash "Hurt" song. Man....man...man....I miss Johnny Cash and I didn''t even know...
  • I like how you can search google for images just on one website. Some people just forget that they have some really dumb stuff on there.
  • I am growing a beard the rest of the week. It looks absolutely horrible.
  • 2 more days until tattoo time. I'm so excited. I almost wanted to pay for it right there lastFriday so I wouldn't be able to chump out yet again. But I really feel like the tat will make me really strong in so many ways. Like it was meant to happen now. Not in Thailand. Not Iin Florida. Not at the beach. But now, when things are hard and life is getting tough. It was meant to be on me NOW! Absolutely.
  • I miss that damn girl so much. Damnit! Cursed stars and moons and planets not allowing for shit to happen. Damn you!
  • My current Spades rating is 1941...2000 is reall really high(thats right im bragging big guy). I have won 9 in a row thats why and against good teams. My record is (oh how embarrasing...the amount of time I spend playing spades...) 341-144
  • The Dandy Warhols are getting up tehre for me. Sleep is really good...and I already mentioned a couple other ones on here.
  • Ooh im playing suicide spades. The granddaddy of spades.
  • Kings of Leon isn't that bad. Molly's chamber is pretty good.
  • "I love you porgy" by the queen of all that is wonderful is a damn strange song when you really listen to it. He beat her.
  • My Morning Jacket "I will be there when you die" oh man so good!...that might be God Speed though...I dunno the mp3 looks shady...
  • Go let it out is still a damn good song, 3 awesome changes and everything...Oasis live on in my speakers baby!

  •  
    Good Government Pics from cia.gov.






    This is from the children's section of the FBI. The light bulbs equates safety. I even like the happy font.



    "I want to look as mysterious as possible. Is that ok?




    "Look kids this is what the White House looks like if you were on mushrooms"




    You can be under cover just like me.




    I have no idea what this is. I think they were trying to brand the Anthrax issue. Get a real jump on the competition.




    In case you ever see any of these guys roaming around.




    Holy crap this is just plain old funny. "Watch out for Netscape son."




    Easily the king of them all. This is the CIA's image for Anti-Terroism. No, I'm serious it is. Seriously.




    I like the old west font. It makes them feel like they are really chasing bad guys with Tommy guns again.




    If you look real close you can see all the people are fake. That's just horrible




    This is some sort of mistake. Or yet another case of branding tragedy




    Sure...




    "Harry and Aerial Recon: Ace Photo Pigeons"




    "My family has always supported the Agency and its predecessor, the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), roosting wherever it was camped and keeping an eye out in defense of our country, too. "





    Tuesday, October 28, 2003

     
    The Ageless Art of disappearing

    I like the fact that I am elusive and screen phone calls. THAT'S RIGHT! I screen em' all. Everyone does. You do! I do! He does! She does! So let's drop the facade. I'm not gonna lie to you like all those other people and say, "Nah man I had my phone off", "I left it in my car". Nope I looked at my phone and said, "Nah I really don't want to speak right now". Now don't take that personal. I just don't want to chat while I'm playing golden tee or having sex or watching Seinfeld. I don't want to hear this conversation:
    "Hey what's up?"
    "Nothing man. What's up with you?'
    "Nothing. Just seeing what's up"
    Screw that. Call me with info. "I have 8 girls here all high on meth and they won't put their clothes on. Oh my god they are pulling hundred dollar bills out of their ve jay jay's"
    That's what I want to hear. That's what I say when I call you. Alright online poll time. How many times have I called you and had that conversation with nothign to say. Never. I call you with purpose. I know your time is valuable. Now don't stop calling. Just don't leave me angry messages (eh hen all you strange girls calling me and yelling at me on voice mail...that's what brought this blog about...)
    Busy is the new rich!

     
    Cool Guys Imitating White Guys

    I'm listening to Eddie Murphy here and I was listening to Kings of Comedy and stuff last night. The old school guys got nothing on imitating white guys when it comes to the new guys. Dave Chapelle does the best lame white guy ever. Eddie does do a pretty good Italian guy though. And the reason why I say cool guys in the title instead of just black guys is because Joe Rogan does a mean white guy as well. I don't think it's necessarily pickin on white guys as it is picking on stereotypes to make you laugh. Because the black dudes do other black dudes ruthlessly as well. Dave Chapelle is definitely the star of the show when it comes to ethnic imitations though. Eddie blazed that rail but Dave is carrying the torch.


     
    YES YES YES!!!!!!

    And here they come. Man I was starting to really worry. I got 4 responses from companies today that I love, after I personally sent emails to their tech departments and learning departments. Friggin sweet...let the games begin.

     
    Randoms While I Count My Money From my Risky Business

  • So we took Miami giving 7 tonight for a grand. Paul talked me into it. Good man because I was willing to not bet because the game got moved to Arizona because of the fires. He talked me into it. I'm glad. We won. I have good karma and dough rolling into the weekend. Cheers Paul.
  • Chomsky called Adam Smith the father of libertarianism. That's hot!
  • I'm on a serious Travis kick since seeing the show and finding out they have a new album. Must have travis songs for the fringe fan...
    1. Blue Lights Flashing
    2. All I Wanna do is Rock
    3. The Fear
    4. Side
    5. Driftwood
    6. Turn
    7. As You Are

  • I have no idea where my love of the Stones came from. I have always hated them since I was little. I think the love stems from the bluesy stones. I can't stand anything mainstream by them...outside of Sympathy for the Devil and You Can't Always Get What You Want.
  • I hate Halloween. I have always hated it since I was little. I have never warn a costume and feel really horrible about the whole day. You don't get off of school (well in catholic school you do ...all saints day baby!) But man...I just really don't like holidays of any kind. And Holloween is my least favorite holiday.
  • They totally should have gotten Dave Chapelle for the Scary Movie 3 thing. He needs to be in more major flicks.
  • "Long intros and outros that's what this band is all about." -NG
  • Kodiak tastes damn good late night now a days. I kind of like that it may be the most filthy legal habit you can have.
  • Should I like 2pac? Nah I don't really dig it all that much. It's too heavy here and too horny there and too happy over there...nah...at least biggie was from the east.
  • You know before I said that Rush of Blood to the Head was overproduced and not as good as Parachutes. I would like to retract that statement and say that it's just as good if not better. Scientist is your key track there I think. Every great album needs that one song that when you get past all the other good ones you find the gem that's all slow and wonderful.
  • America needs to get more play on my radio. Sister Golden Hair is aight...
  • Curtis Mayfield played in a lot of old bands form like the early 60's and late 50's.
  • Seven Mary Three really took a turn for the worst. The Orange album is ok though
  • You see jumping jack flash is now playing and its gettin the boot
  • Have I mentioned how great it is that the Yankees lost. The yankees lose...theeeeee yankeeeeeesssss.....lose
  • Now im getting a load of Neil Young. Sweet...respect...for Neil Young. You should read about the law suit filed against him in the 80's by electra. They stated that he purposely made bad music. I like to think that's true
  • The Air Near My Fingers is good. Boo people who don't like the White Stripes. Damnit it's good bluesy wonderful stuff...and not bad as background sex music.
  • What does Jah Work mean...?(note-...there's a ton of stuff I can look up...these are randoms and not thought out stuff)
  • When I drink too much...I smell horrible
  • "People in Finland are wondering what that was all about" - NG
  • Ooohh the Vines...well done...and some libertines...also well done
  • Norah Jones is just plain old downright horrible
  • I don't really see Napster making any sort of comeback just because it was a branded name
  • Peaches is just the most violent woman in the world. I wouldn't even attempt to think I could tame that woman. She's downright...too much
  • I really find the names of song tracks on instrumental cds and techno cds to be pointless and annoying
  • George Carlin is a poor man's comic. He went from vegas to hippy to old to niche to whiney to peace to rants on the government. He does make some good points from time to time...capital punishment is a good bit. I think Brain Droppings was the first book I ever bought and read cover to cover.
  • No wait...Dennis Leary has that title previously given to Carlin. He is good in movies though.
  • I haven't listened to Jackson Browne nearly enough. I owe that gem to no one other than my parents. Cheers guys. Thanks for my first ever tape at 9 years old "Lives in the Balance" Now that's some heavy stuff for a 9 year old.
  • I just downloaded a whole bunch of Eddie Murphy love...i'm set "and then a big brown shark came"



  • Monday, October 27, 2003

     
    Horrible

    I'm a mean guy. I'm only gettin worse too. Man...

     
    Randoms While I Loosen my Tie and Pack a Lip for My Day of More Job Searching

    • Ok so my interview this morning went well. I can become a web developer again. Of course I'm not taking it. Why? Would you? Would you cash in the only thing that you really have, youth and freedom, to make 45 grand a year and not be inspired? Now I would have been interested if the company would have been different, if they would have showed me some sort of initiative towards the thing that I want to eventually do, ie. changing the way people learn, but noone really seemed to care about my interests. Look I'm not a snob. I'll take a job being a web developer. I just want to be involved in something exciting and good. Most of these companies are more interested in explaining that every Friday we get free pizza and you can wear jeans. Stick it!
    • I'm listening to Animal Farm on tape. This guys voice reminds me of Carl from the simpsons episode where Homer gets his hair back. I think that Carl guy was that big fat gay guy who is always like dropping in on Radio shows and doing guest spots as like a stand up host. Anyway. it's making my day better. Cheers to you big gay guy and your voice that sounds as though it smoked way way way way way too many Camel filters.
    • So I made a list of things to do today. Here it is -
      1. 25 general job resumes sent out for standard programming jobs
      2. 6 Specialized letters sent out to HR departments and specific emails within the tech department of companies that are doing the good work.
      3. XML Schema test page
      4. MySQl/PHP test page
      5. Knowledge Blogger Update
      6. Hidden counter
      7. Buy a razor
      8. Watch football

    • Oh goodie, Sinner Man is on. Nina, I forgot about her. I gotta go Dl some Nina. Damn! Thanks for her 1L.
    • New York New York by RA is underated becuase of all the hype. I mean the fact that he was in front of the WTC and then released the video like 3 days before it all happened just blew him up and then made everybody who likes his stuff hate this. Well, anyway, I'm trying to make a concerted effort today to not care if other people listen to the stuff or not. I'm gonna like it, no matter what it is, as long as I like it. Blah!
    • Man I'm going to see the Eels and BDB in about 2 weeks. How awesome is that. And I'm going to see them at the Recher none-the-less not some shitty ass seated venue like The Tower Theater. Oh man...if any of you are in town...just swing by and get tickets and meet me there...you won't regret the BDB show I Swear to holy god. I would bet my arm on it. The Eels could be a little off for some I guess. But I know for a fact that Damon Gough puts on a completely original fucking weird show.
    • Ok so now i'm totally out there looking for jobs overseas as my back up plan for Nov 28th. Hey no job, and I'm out. I'm looking at taiwan, China, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia (now that's fucking hot!), Vietnam, and of course going back to Korea (i really wouldnt mind).
    • This site is awesome "oh my news". You guys can't see it because you don't have the Korean text on your computer. But they basically talk about anti-america sediments and how dumb Korean Confuscionist tradiotions are and if they continue they will make them fall behind the rest of the world. Holy shit there's an article called "Hajimah Chigum" which is like saying "stop now" but it's all about like compulsive shopping and being a consumer. Cheers to that site.
    • More Koren Links
      1. This guy married his boss from a hagwan. She's hot. Just as most of them are.
      2. Some other guy talking about hagwan teaching. Not nearly as cool as me. Not even close. None of these guys got laid. You run into these pussies all the time.
      3. Another pussy who let his boss push him around.
      4. This guy probably got laid. He doesnt really say anything, except for the blacklist joint.
      5. These are the kind of people you run from when you see them. These are the jesus people or the "I did something I can't tell you about" people, maybe finally they were a librarian somewhere in Kansas and their husband totally banged every girl in town. So they ran away to Korea with their shitty luggage and a tear in their eye. I ran into a lot of these girls. Sad crew lemme tell you. Side note- You know what's the saddest thing in Korea, the white girls, man they just get outshined by the Koreans. And they go like a whole year without sex, because most of them don't really find korean dudes all that sexy. Man then they come on to you and you just look at them laugh. The only thing that holds it down for the west are the sisters and occasional latina girl who are in the club. Most of them are military so it's kinda beat. (Hagwans are straight up racist, they don't hire anyone who isn't white and semi-thin...no joke)It's friggin awesome to see a black girl in the club tearing it up and just making the korean dudes run away because they know that girl would just crush them in half.
    • Elliot Smith is playing - Miss Misery is dope. I recommend it. I think I heard it in a movie once. Not sure which one, it sounds like it came from Wonder Boys but I don't know.
    • Mrs. Potter's Lullabye is an underated Counting Crows tune. It's long and damn good. Man I haven't even listened to Hard Candy. I can only imagine it's really bad. Oh schapps and so is Saint Robinson and his Cadillac. That song is cool too...and it throws a dap to the Chesapeake.
    • I'm gonna go cook lunch for my dying dad. He's pathetic. He's not gonna make it. That's a damn shame.



    Sunday, October 26, 2003

     
    Bettin

    300 on Philly -3
    500 on the Over in the KC game 43 1/2
    luck

     
    Gamblers Care About Stuff Like Wind and Rain in Cincinnati

    Updated lines

    Taking the Under at 42 in the cincy game
    Taking the Under at 46 1/2 in the pitt st louis game
    Taking Philly giving 3 to the jets
    and Baltimre and Carolina...just thought you would want to know so we can all cheer together...

     
    Bret's Football Bet Em' For the Week

  • St Louis Giving 1 1/2 - I like this game because the Rams have been hot and the Steeler's well...they haven't been. The home field factors sort of throws me but I really don't fear Heinz field in anyway like I used to fear the old riverfront joint. Good Weather means bigger bet! The bye week is always a mother...but...I gotta go with the hot team here.
  • Seattle Giving 1 1/12 - This weeks "sucker if you do sucker if you don't game" is Seattle. Cincy coming off their big upset welcomes Seattle who just squeeked by a bad Bears team. You look at the game and say, "Seattle's gonna smoke em'" And then you think like a bookie and say "Only a sucker would bet Seattle". Well here I am world. Sucker
  • Baltimore Getting 2 - 4th string QB at home. Denver is really overrated besides Portis and I believe we can shut him down. Baltimore walks after Kyle finally has his breakout game of 12-21 266 3 tds NO INTS. We win the turnover battle we win the game.
  • Carolina Giving 2 - Carolina came off a loss to Ten. last week but that's not gonna stop the train. Good D, Good RB, Excitable coach = win.

    I like the close spreads of 2 or less. I like games with spreads of 5 or 2. This tells me usually that the bookies don't have a fucking clue what they are picking. I stay well away of anything over 8 and the evil numbers 7, 3 and 6. I like meaningless games out of division and that's what I liked to bet this week. Except Carolina, but who cares about them anyway.

  •  
    Calling Su Yeon

    You know,sometimes you know people that are just so wonderful, that when you call them up all bombed from a different country, just wanting some obligatory chit chat, they humor you and tlak. I love her in so many ways for her patience and strange strength that hangs on to me from around the world. To you sweetheart...

     
    Sober

    I just took a shower. I feel much better and somewhat sober. I'm not going to really write anything besides.---NOW THAT I HAVE A TATTOOO I'M GOING TO GET LAID A LOT MORE BY GIRLS WHO ARE A WHOLE BUNCH HOTTER! Timotious I don't think you have any idea how good it feels to have someone diagram out something wonderful for you and then have that person want to have it inked on it's person for life. That's gotta be so fucking cool! Cheers mate

     
    Pissed

    Not in the classical sense of being angry but in the Britsih sense of being loaded. I went and saw Travis tonight with Douglas Atwell the 8th and the ever wonderful driving phenom Blake. We had a decent time, The show was goodness. Travis is always good.

    Mirel I love you and always will. Don't know why I wrote that. I have been having a lot of make believe convo's lately and most of them revolve around you and me and jeff having a sit down about how much I love you....It doesn't matter either way...that's just my subconscience...so....it all manifests into other weird things...anyway....the tat is on thursday....mad interviews this week...no job i want...gotta take one...not happy...im real drunk right now...i saw sarah tonight...the hottest girl i have never slept with that i said I would...yet she remains elusive....damn that nonsense...tomorrow is football...tonight im gonna sleep hard becuas last night i had sex with a 19 year old and it was awful...awful i tell you...horrible awful to the point of me wanting to stop in the middle and just say shit like "What the fuck are you doing!" but alas her incompetence must lead directly back to my own problems. Maybe not because she was atrociuus to sleep with. Id rather sleep with my old dog Hunter than that again. "I just wanna get on top and ride you hard". Thats awful! What happened to real hardcore action like kissing and deep rhythm. What's with the college girls and their inability to have sex on any level besides having an orgasm. I know it's important but so is kissing and intensity. I dont know it was beat....no more youngins...im gonna go to sleep....man im drunk...shit it's late...talk to you later in the week...

    Thanks Doug and Blake for the company. Im glad you guys had fun. Cheers!



    Friday, October 24, 2003

     
    Summarizing The Tat and Why I Should Now Get One

    I'm not going to pretend that I know as much about the mystic ways of the universe as Tim or what his real thought processes were when going into this. I assume it had to do with my love of the spade symbol and his idea that the chariot symbol accompanied with the horse seemed quite fitting.

    I used to play cards all the time with my dad when I was little. And even when he was in the mental hospital we were most at ease while playing cards. My dad has always been a big symbol person and finding what he calls "God things". Like once at the race track, where I used to go once a month from age 6-11, I found a dime on the ground. I picked it up. I turned and whirled it in no specific direction. The dime ricocheted off a seat and landed right between my dad's feet who was standing 20 rows up and 30 feet to the right. That was one of his examples of a "God thing". Well he has always hated the spades suit in the deck of cards. He thinks they are bad luck. I love the spades suit. It's the baddest of the suits. It's the hardcore kick the rest in the nuts suit. I enjoy the game of spades above all else and the jack of spades is my favorite card.

    That's all I really know about spades. Now Tim is drawing lines to the history of spades and how it relates to the tarot. I did like this link about the Knight of swords.
      DIRECT, BLUNT, AUTHORITATIVE, OVERBEARING, INCISIVE, CUTTING, KNOWLEDGEABLE, OPINIONATED, LOGICAL, UNFEELING
    Anyway the sword =spades, the Knight is close to the chariot card and he's on a horse. I don't know, I just totally dig the idea that someone made this with me in mind more than the actual thought process that went into it. It's kick ass looking and I can't imagie naything being better than this. It's going on now.

     
    On Me

    I was all hell bent on going today. And I think I still may. But this is the art I will be getting on my body. Cheers to Mr. Tim Boucher for the design, thought process and unimaginable ability to encapsulate anything about this oddly enigmatic human being. Insight and thoughfulness never cease to lapse him. Anyway here it is. I'm going to write my own description of it, later on here tonight becasue I feel as though it's important that I understand the things that go into it.

     
    Lucky Stuff

    There is this great thing on the History channel about superstitions. They went into the horse shoe thing (The devil once lost it's cloven hoof shoe whil entering a house and some guy branded his ass and the devil said he would never enter a house with a horse shoe hanging over the entrance.) And how walking under a ladder apparently breaks up the holy trinity either Osiris or JC. Things like that...it's interesting. I always love when people pick apart mysteries or explain things that are kind of fun. Can I possibly tie that into something else? Why are some things fun to learn about and some aren't?

     
    Til The Break of Dawn

    Doug, I'm hurtin kid. Man. I really can't stay out to 6 am and then have my car towed and have to eventually pay 200 bones to get it out of hoc. I mean wtf is that anyway. 200 bones to havemy car towed from a friggin Royal Farms. Man! Anyway, I just wanted to say cheers for an interesting and entertaining evening. JESTERS baby! JESTERS! but it's no INFINITE



    Thursday, October 23, 2003

     
    Google and It's Presence

    The more I keep surfing around here and reading articles. And to be quite honest I haven't really been engaged in ever reading articles on line. They seem really beat. But the more I delve into what the other good people are reading the easier the process of reading online becomes. And sooner or later I was going to have to adapt anyway.

    But what I'm finding in all of these tech sources and ezines is their propensity to use google and it's features as though it were second nature knowledge.They back up all of their own Information Architecture and Marketing research based on being verified by the number of trackings on google or their position in a google search. It's as though everyone is aspiring to fall in line with whatever google is feeding people. Don't get me wrong I love google. I think It's a wondeful tool. But I don't hink it's a standard by any means. I believe by wrapping yourself around a technology that closely, it can become dangerous and end up letting you down as soon as your capacity for it's usefulness has been filled. ( worst part about that possibility is that you may not know your capacity is actually filled).

    It reminds me of people that wanted to develop in ColdFusion and then said, "Oh shit! What happens when Allaire folds or they fail to come up with patches fast enough. We have all of our eggs with a company and not with a technology." I guess the big point I'm making is dependancy. Now beelive me I would much rather depend on private corporations rather than anything government. But I think there needs to be a diverse array of companies with the same presence as google. And the ideal companies would use the same technology but branch off in different directions in order to supply the dynamic economy and user with what they will eventually need. I mean I have no idea what those needs are but we know that as we grow, and especially with the Internet, our propensity to morph and change is exponential. Is one company really cut out to be that bench mark? It's a little scary to know that they have that kind of hold. I love the product and think the company has done a wonderful job of committing themselves to excellence but I had no idea it was this strangling.

     
    Not Showering Makes My Hair Really Cool and Other Randoms

  • My homepage sucks bigness. I gotta do something with it tomorrow. Maybe like an anogram initial kinda thing. That's as 'bout as far as my artistic ability extends. I gotta do some MySql stuff manana'...and get to work on that there VB program...sorry Craig.
  • Ok so keith listened to J5 and last weekend Wattsle was playing it. I'm listening to it now. I don't really like it. It reminds of like Phish with beats and rhymes. Just throw together crap with rhymes/lyrics that sometimes are cool but mostly suck.
  • The D is playing now. Man it's been a while since I have sat down with the D to hang. It's still funny. I don't want to see school of rock. I know it's gonna suck. Everybody else says its solid. I personally think it will rival Shallow Hal in the Jables future movies to bomb list. He's a background guy. Not a lead.
  • Marlins won a game. Who cares. I hate the World Series. I hate the Marlins and the Yankees. Well not hate because that would involve emotion. More like...I really could be entertained more by watching squirells masturbate to a madonna video. Oh wait that is fuckin hilarious to think about.
  • "Baseball been very good to me" I love Spanish players in interviews. They rule. They don't get out of hand and try to make the game more than it is. "Baseball been very good to me and I just hit pitch and it was honelun(say it...it sounds spanish)". That's why Sammy is my fave. He knows he's entertianment. He knows that he's an actor with big forearms. He understands the game and doesn't get all uppity about it.
  • Does anyone else find Brittany Spears not attractive at all. I don't know...her and that other thing...all of them...does anyone really still get off to like celebrity women. I doubt it. Well there is Lucy Lu...
  • I just bought my first tin of tobacco in almost 2 years. Man it tastes pretty good. It's so disgusting though. But you never feel more like a baseball player than when you have a huge lip in and you are diggin in the batters box and then you spit on homeplate. Seriously. Baseball and most sports are all about looking good sometimes.
  • This New Strokes Cd is pretty good. Ill never go see them again but I think this cd is pretty kick ass. They'll be a stereo favorite for a little maybe. Damn I hated to lose them, but it was inevitable I guess. Simple lyrics and simple sounds. Still kept the formula.
  • Life is about smiles
  • With mind bullets!
  • Tomorrow I have so much to do. I can't wait. Working on programming and fixing this site. I may even copy all those poems I wrote about my childhood in here. Maybe. Beverages with megs and seeing ToB. Should be good. I love being busy. Busy is the new rich.
  • Stop Crying Your Heart is an underated song. Craig? Mirel? Agree...?
  • Noel's acoustic "Slide Away" is just friggin unstoppable. You know I read a lot of interviews with bands and so many throw the brothers a dap. Closet fans.
  • I ran two miles today in 13 minutes. I was happy about that.



  • Wednesday, October 22, 2003

     
    Godless

    Ok I have been listening to this song for about 40 minutes. It's called Godless by the Dandy Warhols. I have one of their albums. Like punk Rock Suburbs or something like that. Anyway, this song and Nietzsche are the hi-lites. Ha! Godless and Nietzsche. Cute. The song sounds just like a long Oasis intro. It rules!

     
    Hmm

    I can't seem to get this music blog thing to work....hmmm....anyboday else have any initial issues with this thing? It's the one with imbedded javascript where it tells you to link two files but you only get one in the download. It's the blogamp one.

     
    Bull Roasts

    Ok so I'm listening to the bible thing and they are talking about the proper way to roast a bull. I wonder if all those bull roasts I went to as a child revolve around this weird tradition. I also wonder if those crazy things like the Masons or the KoC actually do this ritual. The stuff they are saying about his bull roast is really in depth. No wonder the bible is so big, I can't believe all this crap is just about roasting a bull. I swear I have been listening to rituals for the past 40 minutes. "The Linen must be spread on the alter without folds...the bull most not be mixed with yeast and the sin and guilt offereing must be rasied with both hands...etc..." Lord!

     
    Knowledge Blogger

    It's back and it's alive. I plan on keeping a pulse on the industry. I checked around and didn't see any "blogs" dedicated to it. I know there are quite a few websites but for the most part noone has any insight on anything, they just gives press statements. Ok so that's my forum. Thanks Tim and Mike(where's my f'n feedback "send it to me tomorrow" as I check my watch) for the idea. Oh and thanks doug and tim(your site is really looking clean as balls lately with all the little shit you are adding...it's opening nicely). I'm working on a new design today...or at least on getting this junky ass one changed a little...it looks like I sell flowers. Cheers. Good energy today.

     
    Holy

    So yesterday I donwloaded the entire Old Testament and the entire New Testament on mp3. This is so friggin wild to listen to. And the voice they have really is trying to sound like god with that deep bass and fuzzy sound as though he is talking thorugh clouds after a heavy nihgt of drinking. It's really fun!

     
    Spelling

    My spelling is just rediculous...I don't think I can take it anymore...I may start using MS Word or something

     
    While I apply my Rogaine


  • Plastic Jesus by the Flaming lips is so awesome. The first time I heard it I was watching cool hand luke (not the FL version) and I was like that song is so sad and cool at the same time...just like that movie...
  • Sugar Daddy in the Hedwig movie is so awesome...I love that flick...you guys have seen it right...I mean it came out while I was away...so I always assumed everyone has seen it...if you haven't holy shit...it's awesomer than awesome
  • I've been talking with Mirel everyday online...that's not healthy...but you can't help but love someone...not in that way anymore...just in the way that someone knows you more than you know yourself and it's wonderful to see yourself through eyes that you trust...I love her more than anything I know...she will be so happy in her new life...she has that way about her...like...the kind of woman that can walk into a big pile of shit and make the shit look like roasted duck...just truly remarkable to watch her walk through life...cheers to her life...I can't wait to see that star go
  • Man the Flaming Lips on heavy hereand it's just so good late night when you wanna think and cruise the internet for stuff...i mean is there any better music to travel to the moon on...im serious im calling nasa and informing them that the flaming lips should be inthe training progam to get them ready for the serenity that is space...i mea in the morning of magicians should be heard as soon as the atmosphere is broken and they look back down on the earth...so lovely
  • Oh Oh Oh the times I have spent wallowing in the things that don't matter grows closer to becoming extinct everyday. I love the fact that I know that. I love that I know that my end is near. Not the end you are thinking of but the end that we all dream of.
  • Go/Stop is a cool card game that takes no skill what so ever...I need to play more...
  • The universe will have it's way 4.5 billion years from now when the sun belches and eats us up and everything you do now becomes so fleating doesn't it? Unless you live in some weird Asamov story.
  • Guys who play bass suck ass!
  • Anybody know how the new turn brakes album is?
  • The paper boy is working before he goes...what a great song..figure it out!....the harmonica version is the best! I deserve another acoustic set before they stop touring...with this song or Masterplan!...hey you up in the sky learning to fly tell me how high...hey you up in your tree you wanna be me...
  • WHy take the only gift that mother nature gave you and throw it away. Take your youth and live it man...live it for all it is...rock star shit...live it for all that it was intended to be...everyone with a 200 hundred grand would trade places with you in a second...go out and live life...suck the hormones out of everyhting...taste it!
  • I have become a fat sob in the last month!

  •  
    Mr. Ulam

    I have no diea how many people I run into that read this drivle and then tell me about it. You think by their comments I would have no idea. Anyway this is a side not to tell Mr. Ulam that I appreciated everyhting he said tonight and felt the love that he has. Him and I have a strange relationship, like he doesn't know what to make of me and I don't know what to make of him...but there is this mutual love and friendship that is good. Like I know he's a smart good kid and he knows the same. What we need is a better bonding experience that can bring closure to the arguments we give each other. They aren't really argumetns...more or less checks and balances that people need to put on the people they care about. It's tough to really take advice without that kind of closure or appreciation wihtout seeing another person bleeding somewhere and knowing that in that monent you are their lifeline to something that can be salvagable. Anyway, cheers to you Mr. Ulam I dig the advice and don't think I don't need it. Everyone else seems to be leaving me to my own devices...it was nice to have a confronting person saying "You're a fuck...stop dreaming...get down to earth..." Now heeding that advice is not gonna happen for I am a soul that needs to be happy...but it was brotherly and loving...cheers

    Oh and by the way, Craig, I ran into Mitchell tonight....he asked how you were I told him your were doing fine. He got sort of big on us...he's tippin in at like 210 or so...sorry mitchell if you are reading this...but damn kid...i remember you being a stick...it was good to see that kid...it was all love...



    Monday, October 20, 2003

     
    This is Kinda Awesome


    Thank you Mr. Adam McKenzie (Thumper) for this.

     
    Timothious and his Google Searches/Douglas Atwell the 8th

    Umm I don't really know what to do about that. What I need is a topic. Like that cat and the 1L were like "No don't change your blog name" and I don't know it's sort of an embarrasing name. It's also unfortunately quite accurate given my propensity to type and not care, it's the thought not the spelling that matters to me. I find it almost cute when people spell shit wrong. And unless it's something really important I probably won't take the time to straighten shit out. I know it's lazy but blah blah. I want some google searches. Hmm I need to throw some links up and get an audience. What does that ential? A specialized forum, something to say, working towards that goal, caring, links...tough rode. Should be good and give me something to do. And Doug has a new site. It should be solid because I think he'll find that once he starts to pay for it he will likely be more inclined to contribute on a regualr basis and I like reading what Doug writes.

     
    Decent News

    Apparently the HR machine was cranking today because I got 7 emails back all personalized. I don't think I will have the tendacy to be so picky this time. But, then again, I know I might. I still wanna be turned on. Oh and I sold my house yesterday. Well that adds some serious immediacy to my life journey. Nov. 28th and then I'm a living somehwere new. Can't wait to get it rollin....

     
    Dave Chapelle

    Holy crap I have just listened to one of funniest things in the world today. I have also taken a weird liking to books on tape while sitting here at my computer doing work. The old Orwell books of 1984 and Animal farm are prevalent out there. So is Huxley and a lot of stuff that I have trouble reading because it's just too boring like the history of Greek Mythology, and the Biography of Stalin. It's prtty cool. Anyway, you gotta listen to Dave Chapelle. Holy crap it's almost Eddie Murphy quality. He has this show apparently on Comedy Central and he had a bunch of HBO specials fro Def Comedy and his own thing. He has this video called "I wanna drink your pee". Holy crap, holy crappity crap. You will literally pee yourself if you watch it. It's a spin off of R Kelly. Man I can't recommend it enough.



    Sunday, October 19, 2003

     
    Bret and His Gambling

    Ok so Bret has a whole bunch of vices. He likes to drink real hard, smoke hard, stay up until all hours with strange people who could possibly slit his throat at any minute. He enjoys fist fights and flirting with girls in front of their man. But the one vice I have that I really don't like is my gambling vice. Take today for instance, I'm going to go and bet up to a grand of money that I don't have on football. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a bad better and betting on football is friggin fun given the alternative to just sit and watch, but the consequences seem so much more acute than that of drinking or smoking. I have not drank for up to month before adn I hace quit smoking for up to a month, but the instant gratification of betterin on football is just too sweet. It's like instant winfall or instant don't answer the phone time. Anyway, I thought I'd let you in on one of my wonderful habits that I see most people starting to get into.

    Like last night I heard Chris saying how he was losing money on college football (oh and by the way...my good friends that I was talking to last night were all like "on your blogger this" and "on your blogger that" well what the fuck. You would never even know they had been here...well thanks for reading boys). Now Chris is a guy I would never expect to have a vice like gambling. This is the same kid who wanted to beat me up in highschool for experimenting with illegal substances. Seriously he was the catcher on the baseball team and would have guys throw at me. Anyway, it's weird as we get older we accumulate more vices and tend to not shed any of the other ones. I guess I did shed some stuff, in that I don't do drugs and I still see alll my friends doing them. They do them much more recreationally now but still, I have some kids that are just smoking pot to smoke pot. That doesn't make sense...but hey you can't judge. Right? So anyway I'm off to look at those lines. This is what I'm bettin' today

    2 dimes Baltimore giving 2 1/2
    1 dime New Orleans giving 2
    1 dime Tennesee Getting 1
    1 dime St Louis giving 4
    1 dime Tamba Bay giving 4
    1 dime Detroit Getting 3

    Wish me luck



    Saturday, October 18, 2003

     
    Nothing Panned

    So my day and a half in the country lead to nothing. Sorry to say it folks, and sort of glad, but today I sold my house. Well yesterday I sold it. I have nothing to really do here now and I refuse to sleep on someone's couch. So, odds of me leaving within the next month to either go back to Korea or another country are at about 90%. Ok so that's not the bad part. The bad part is that I am so turned off by America, that I may not come back for a really long time. Trust me on this one, I have skills and a desire to do something and yet I have the people I want to work for have no interest. This could mean two things 1)Nobody seems attracted to those skills 2) My own perception of my abilities are far overrated. Both are highly possible. I should have this computer and stuff for another week but after that I'll try and hit you up before I split. I feel like I let myself down. It's a shame to have come back home with high hopes of starting something and some issues in my family and professional life have pushed me to the point of only persuing happiness and survival. We'll have to see what pans out in the next 10 days or so. P.S. Tim I saw you were helpign Doug design a tattoo...hmm...I think i'd be interested in that...Thanks for everything guys!



    Friday, October 17, 2003

     
    Break

    I'm off to Grandfather's house in the country for a little while. I'll catch you guys later. There's some stuff I need to think about and some people that I need to see. Hopefully, things here will be a little clearer when I get back. One way or the other...



    Thursday, October 16, 2003

     
    Living with Glasses of Water and Robert

    So I went out tonight with the hopes of hanging out with friends and watching the game. But they all have jobs and lives. Suckers. But that's the meat of this tale. First off I was a good boy tonight. I had a salad and two beers. I didn't smoke and drank water for most of the night. My blood pressure medicine is only good for 2 months. If it works then they take me off and I go on a diet or whatever. Basically I stop smoking and drinking booze for a little while until I stop pissin blood and sweating through my sheets with ulsers the size of oranges. If it doesn't work then we go to the nex level. So i have to be sort of good while it takes a affect. A) I dont want them to even persue the next step and especially not at my own dumbass fault. B) I'd like to live to see Italy. Ok so to the good hearted moment of the week.

    On the way home I was coming up on the harbor tunnel and they have a weird merge thing at night and some gigantic SUV Escolade pig fucker car keeps coming over because well, he's driving a semi-truck and so I have to go into he median section of the road. I hit something in the road and got a flat. A flat in the tunnel is bad and out of the tunnel can be worse but I pulled off on Boston Street and made my way to the truck stop. While starting my journey for the Bret method of a can of fix a flat and a prayer a 65 year old man came up to me asking me if I had a flat. Now bieng at a truck stop at 1 am and having a man come up to me isn't the most delicate thing in the world but I could see he was kinda old so I entertained his suggestion and it sounded good. He even missed his bus to help me out. We took a cab to a 24 hour tire place that he knew existed and I didnt. We got a tire came back and he helped me do the whole thing, considering im pretty car illiterate, (i did the manual labor...but umm is that jack...umm where does it go? were definately my questions). I was touched the entire time by him just wanting to help. Obviously I was waiting for him to take the tire iron and club me over the head at any time but I figured we could work it out if that happened. But then I drove him back to North ave. he got out, asked me for a smoke, I didnt have any and went and bought him a pack and he wished me good luck. That was that. No "Man I'm just trying to catch the bus", "Damn I need a sub", "Hey can you spare like 10 dollars". And all those things would have been ok and I would have given what he wanted but he didnt ask. He helped me because he wanted to and it made him feel good to help someone. I didn't want to insult him by offering him more than he asked like a pretensious prick who thought my time was more valuable than his. I assume that in his life he had always done that and probably hadn't had a chance to do something good for someone in a long time. I commend you Robert. I sort of learned to never taint generosity by wanting to make ammends through anything other than mutual good will and the hopes that I can one day do that for someone. Thanks again mate! The well of humanity is a little fuller thanks to you.

     
    Goat

    And the dream has died. All the baseball fans of the world took a deep sigh of pain tonight. We were all sitting around hoping it would happen. We were all enticed into the idea of magic and the planets aligning to have our media thirsty bodies covered by the numbness that would have been cubbies and bosox. Alas the bosox live on, and tomorrow...I don't care if you're a baseball fan or not...you should watch the game. For many reasons but here are my personal favorites.
    1. Pedro martinez is the true embodiement of a warrior and prick. He weighs 150 pounds soaking wet and throws 95 and at people's heads. New York hates him and he'll be in their house with all his ego and warrior like self. If you want to see the true pressure and hatred that comes from being an opposing player, watch Pedro tomorrow...wait tonight...Thursday
    2. The Boston Red Sox haven't been to a world series since 85 and they haven't won since 1918. There is nostalgic love there.
    3. Roger Clemens (though I personally detest him for the same reasons I love Pedro) will possibly throwing his last ever game. He's a competitor and loves the game. He plays it the right way and watching him pitch tomorrow may be like watching Monet paint The Japanese Bridge.
    4. The death of an era may come tomorrow. With their aging team and bloated roster. If they lose tomorrow the evil Empire that is the Yankees may be dismantled. And in the distance you will hear a square headed kid from Baltimore jumping for joy.

    Oh yeah and by the way did anybody else take down the name of the kid who grabbed the ball last night. I know about 100,000 cubs fans that did. I hope St Louis is a nice city for him to live in. That poor bastard.



    Wednesday, October 15, 2003

     
    WOOOO!!!!

    Not gonna die. Gotta live a little cleaner for a few months or so but it was my blood pressure. I had no calcium in my stuff and they see no reason to suspect it would be cancer or anything weird. I have to go in to see what kind of BP medicine I get but basically I'm good. Man...sweet...

     
    Bret Fall Down.....

    You ever walk around all night saying things like "Snap and Fresh" because you forgot exactly what was said that was so funny. So the funny thing mutates into something else. And that becomes your way of dealing with situations and people because you are way too gone to make any sort of real judgement about them. I'm sobering up now. I was a needin to get hemmed to let out some anxiety about test results tomorrow. Luckily I get them via the phone so I can have an automatic breakdown as opposed to some sort of abtrusive doctor's office breakdown. I think it's gonna be ok though. I had a dream last night that had a lot of things in it telling me it was gonna be solid. That may have been my brian's way of dealing with it, but I think in some way it was my brains way of saying, "Next time just ask me and not a doctor. You're fine". Oh for you folks who don't know or whatever, and it's not a vinarial disease or anything like that, I have some plumbing messed up somewhere and apparently the stuff in my veins likes to find it's way into our sewer system if you know what I mean. Maybe you don't but that's about as comfortable as I feel talking about it. Some girl emailed me today asking me if I had a disease. She was scared. I didn't blame her. I consoled her and she was still skeptical...and so she should have been...I mean...hell I aint a choire boy anymore. And then I got scared and asked her if she had a disease, but it was so long ago that I would have found out by now anyway. Bad topic...

    So yeah, tomorrow I do that....look for a place to live, hit up a bar for the game 7, let me know if you're down...Damn CUBS tonight...that guy (some jackhole interfered with a ball) has to be the most hated man in chicago since...well I don't know chicago but since Laimbere maybe. I was thinking Hull Street with the shuffle board and no girls in black pants ordering vodka tonics from guys with gel in the hair who pour guniness at a breakneck speed. You know that kinda place. I was also thinking that maybe if the test results are bad I won't tell anyone, anyone I don't like anyway. I don't want pity or anything if they're bad. And I'm actually sorry I brought it up in the first place. I mean...it's really lame to do that...anyway...what else...gotta do the job thing and keep on keepin on with it...I mean...gotta keep on pushin the envelopes around come up with new strategies...i mean if HR is this bad with me applying for webmaster jobs and I'm not getting feedback on 90% of stuff like that...then maybe I'll just step it up and find the VP's and come straight out with want I want to do...you never know I may turn somebody on and that might keep me here...I mean nothing really bad could come of it...but I'll probably give that til' the weekend...maybe my resume for something good is on someone's desk and me mailing them would piss them off...I could honestly use a little counseling there...if you have any ideas on how to handle the cold shoulder let me know...I've never really been in this positon before...I mean I've never really looked for work or been real picky about what I do outside of technology....so ifyou ahve any ideas let me know....SNAP AND FRESH!


    .....Now



    Tuesday, October 14, 2003

     
    Loathing in Las Bretas

    These following two posts pissed me off. That's all. I'm gonna leave them there as a reminder to myself. Nobody cares about loathing. You only loathe yourself deeper into a place that you can't crawl out of. Therefore, it's pointless. It's all numbing crap. Good to get out. Good to let go. Need to some time. But, need to focus on positive things. Why run to the dark? Just do what makes you smile and stop rationalizing.

     
    Shakes the Tree of Good and Bad and These Apples Fell Down. Eat What You Like.


    1. Bubble Gum where you can chew the wrappers and it becomes a part of the gum
    2. People with handicaps doing it better than you
    3. People dying and finding that inner peace a little too late and you not caring
    4. Spades
    5. High Texas Hold em' Poker
    6. Fat girls with glasses who like their laptops and have more than one teddy bear and our repeatedly dogged out by boys who use them
    7. Mice with no balls
    8. Praying because you might lose a football bet
    9. Watching your dad screw up bacon
    10. Writing only random shit because the other shit doesn't make any sense
    11. Clinical depression claimed by someone who has fucked up
    12. Bipolar disorder claimed by someone who is just lazy
    13. All those disorders being claimed by people who are choosing pity over grit and somebody else's will over their own
    14. People who say what they want
    15. Unpolitiucally correct everything. We are all different and ignorance needs to be voiced to be overcome. We're not learning anything by being surpressed. So come and slap me in the mouth.
    16. People who can meaningfully testify why they hate something. Same for love.
    17. Free stuff that you can sew for
    18. bang bus
    19. Foreigners macking on women
    20. Baseball fights
    21. Clean girls with no intention of testing you sexually because they don't care about anything other than the next word you say.
    22. Faces of death
    23. People who think for you
    24. Sidewalks
    25. The entirley made up and phoney vitamin industry
    26. The entirely made up and phoney psychiatric industry
    27. Paying for prescription drugs that people need to live
    28. Sulssa'd
    29. Pogo Jip Ta!
    30. Giving up your spirit in hopes of being easy
    31. Birth
    32. People with nicknames
    33. People who don't care about the people the know
    34. Loyalty and money being equated in some fucked up realm
    35. Sons who abandon their fathers
    36. fast cars with loud motors
    37. Love and what someone has to give in the same realm
    38. Diseases
    39. Murder
    40. Rape
    41. Hysteria over nothing
    42. Blind news
    43. Hysteria over everything
    44. People who don't get hysterical
    45. People who need soap operas and thursday night tv to get by
    46. Remembering God in your actions
    47. Reading the bible
    48. Reading Milan Kundera
    49. Reading Herman Hesse
    50. Reading Aldous Huxley
    51. SUVS and the fat assed docker wearing people who drive them
    52. People with hobbies that exceed how much some people spend to eat
    53. The American way
    54. People who make you feel proud and awkwardly ashamed
    55. Rock n Roll
      Watching baseball with a dying father and not speaking

     
    Happy Rainbow Sprinkles

    Wanna write something that is meaningful and thought out.
    Brain may not work that way anymore
    Brain may have never worked that way
    Starting to painfully sleep 14 hours a day
    Not drinking
    Not thinking
    Not living
    Bad envirnoment this month.
    Empty house
    Father in a nut house just got home. He's sick
    I'm sick
    Looking for a job. Found a job. Don't want the job. No desire to really program unless it's the right company. I'll take anything inspiring. But,I'm sorry. Refirgerators filled with coke and kids in Fubu jeans aren't gonna turn me on right now. I can go play quake and listen to DJ Shadow on my own time. INSPIRE ME! OR AT LEAST LET ME INSPIRE SOMEONE! I'm NEEDY!
    Want to go back overseas. Leave dad desolate and dying.
    Money problems.
    Serious health problems. Fingers crossed but not likely that it's gonna be good news.
    No insurance.
    Mom gone
    Dad real gone
    Fuckless witless crap that this is
    FUCK
    Bad month. Gonna get better. If not better Bret leaves, may not come back to America for a much longer period of time. Bret is sorry about that. But Bret needs to smile. Bret thought things would be better. Bret was wrong. Things here are bad.
    Bret doesn't like October.
    Bret doesn't like American girls.
    Bret doesn't like American ideals.
    Americans seem lazy and full of a lot of nothing. They like golf trips and premium gasoline. If i'm not gonna be happy I at least want to struggle and live in a way that I can artisiticly express the struggle. I choose poverty over comfort. Obviouosly I choose ideal fulfillment and inspiration over both. But given the choice, I choose strife over numbness.
    This is numb.
    This is all too numb with no consequences.
    I want drawn out consequences. I take jail over nothing. I will take a deep habit over nothing. Can't do those. So cash it in and jump. What else have you been more proud of? What else do you really have to say to somebody about anything? It is the only thing you have done that anyone has ever respected you for and even that doesn't say a whole lot. But damnit boy, and I do mean boy, it says at least something.
    I don't feel pushed.
    Alone here with no furniture and my things in storage.
    Let it all go to storage.
    Feeling better now
    Got rage out in a stupid form
    But it was either this or a bender of whiskey and Golden Tee followed by this later on
    Feel better
    Feel kinda good
    Feel optimistic
    Feel like tomorrow I will have good news
    Tomorrow will be better.
    Everyday has to improve
    Find energy and make life an art
    Wake up by 8
    Choose a topic and do something with it. Do something local, Do something Internet related. Do something people related. Find a topic and do something with it. Don't idley sit and beat you self up. Then come back and find a way out.
    You have to find a way out.
    Maybe 20 days.
    Maybe 15 and then what? Someone's couch? Someone's spare bed in the basement? Nope. Would rather die then ask for favors from people. Nothing lower than using people for something that they don't want to give.
    Find a way out.
    Not out...find a way into the life that makes you smile
    Feeling better.
    Feeling optimistic.
    Feeling like tomorrow will be a good day



    Monday, October 13, 2003

     
    Noam, I don't Know Him

    Anybody know anything about Chomsky. I read one of his linguist books in South Korea and thought it was well drawn out and really gave a nice view into how language can be mapped and linked to almost every thing in human history. But I had no idea he was so into the rationalization of 9/11 and third world atrocities. If I was gonna take a guess, someone is gonna snuff him. Is he popular amongst you smart people? Has anybody seen this "Power and Terror", apparently it's his flick? Basically, I've been listening to his speaches all day and they friggin rule. His voice is like syrup and his ideas are delivered with a smooth tone that would make Hannibal Lechter(sp?) seem hyper.



    Saturday, October 11, 2003

     
    I Mean Come On Who Has a Kidney Fail at 24
    Let's all keep our fingers crossed that I won't come a knockin' on your door for a stone...The Doc says it's highly likely but then again he also says my bloodpressure may be causing internal ulsers and hemorages that allows blood to reach certain parts of my body it shouldn't and therefore come out of places it shouldn't. Then again he's only a general doctor. The piss test will tell all. Exciting!



    Thursday, October 09, 2003

     
    Just Go Ahead and Ask Me

    Holy Snot Google is in the answering questions business. I mean that's what a serach engine is anyway but now they use their expertise on the side. Check it. I need a job. Myabe I can work for them. Maybe we can start our own "We will find the answer" company. I think that will be a viable corporation as information and knowledge become more invovled in our life and our natural instincts start to revolve around our ability to get through this big world using info as opposed to our senses. That would be a hot place to work. "Hello, Question Answerers. How may I direct your call? Yes sir you have a bee sting. Ok one second while I patch you through." Awesome!

    Oh by the way...the question that got me there was "How do you get security clearance?" ...it's like every job I want needs security clearance. I was supposed to take the full poly yesterday at Booz Allen but I decided to wait until all my other options were exhausted. Not because of the poly test but because the job they offered was horse flue.

     
    CUBS and BOSOX WIN!

    Woohoo! Both won and make it closer to the most wonderful thing sports has seen in 50 years. There isn't one person I know not rooting for the possible scenario that baseball fans have been needing for maybe longer than their own lifetime. Cheer it on people. It's nostalgia and legends coming back to play. It's the return of all that was once good about sports. If anything, it's retibution and peace for one of the cities. It's like having a ghost in your house and finally solving the riddle of why it won't just rest peacefully. Well with one of these teams winning, a ghost will get put to bed.

     
    Street Car Named Desire

    I remember my first English teacher in College made us read a ton of DH lawrence and Tennesee Willams. Unfortunately for me, I didn't care about what she was talking about. I wish I could go back and appreciate things some days. Fortunately for me I did fall in love with literature shortly after. But anyway, I just watched street car and saw it for all its wonderful everything. I just read the play(really read) for the first time sometime in May and watching the movie was just awesome. Everything from the names Blanch DuBois (The aging white "virgin" masqueraded whore and her inability to stand in the light because she lies about not only her innocence but failing youth as well), Stanley Kowalski (his big brick name and big brick "brain" atiitude toward everything), Stella Kowalski (the sister to Blanch with the uncommon workmanlike first name and her inability to leave the raw sex that is Stanley), to the lighting and decor of a standard Tennesse hot Delta play was just awesome. This movie/play is so great on so many levels that it would be fruitless to try and blog it because there are so many scenes that stick with me.

    The one I just remembered was when Hank was courting Blanch. It was working-class attempting to attain a brass ring to please his dying mother and Blanch is trying to keep her virtue and southern charm the whole time. She declines his come-ons pleading for him to be a gentlmen. But you know by now she is, or was, a whore, and that her act is exactly that, an act. It was like watching a gorilla play with a mirror to keep himself happy. The conversations between them were one sided and often lent themself to Blanch trying to make a gentlemen out of Hank. Well the best converation they had was where Hank offers to give all of his measurments to Blanch as if he were a piece of meat. "I am 6, 1/2" tall. Of course that's in my bare feet. And guess how much I weigh. Go ahead guess. Nope more than that. I'm 207 and not too soft in the middle." He does this the same way someone of his staure would do to someone of her supposed staure. They would offer up what they were most proud. They would offer up their sexuality and physical presence.

    Anyway, you guys should read the play. You can blow through it in a night. And then go rent the movie. It's well worth it. Brando is so awesome.



    Wednesday, October 08, 2003

     
    S-O-S-A

    Sometimes I'm convinced that sports are rigged. I mean do you see the way umpires make calls when the game is on the line. It's like they already have it scripted in their head that I need to make this call to build drama. I need to keep people at home tuned into the game. You can watch 30 major leaugue games in a row from June to July and not see one horribly bad call. But in the post season you see like 3 a game. Now I know that the post season is magnified and the game moves slower causing more analysis and replays but I seriously tihnk that the umpires are in on a bigger conspiracy. I'll call it "The Drama Theory".

    Oh and by the way. Did you see Sosa tonight? Is there a more exciting player other than Pedro in all of Baseball? No way! Go cubs. We'll get 'em tomorrow.



    Tuesday, October 07, 2003

     
    It's Just One but It's WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Off

    Ok so for about a month now I've been slowly and secretly reading and looking into all the rEEEEEEdiculous shit that I read about on Tim's blog. (hah ha he's not here) Well it's not rediculous, that's just my filter acting up. It's just that I don't really believe in any form of astology or psychology(and these arent the only things on thre I read or whatever but you seem to definately have a theme sometimes). It's not that I believe these things have no place in our lives. I think examing the universe for it's weighs and balances and finding out how it affects human life is great and monumentally important. I think the study of the mind is one of the most noble things that someone can persue. I don't however think that anyone is close. I'm not saying that they didn't start something or that they aren't on to something. I just don't think that anybody in these ifelds have come remotely close to explaining anything about anything. I think their papers and books make for great dinner conversation, and for people that may be truely messed up, they may be able to get a little help form the limited work already done. As is the case with all first endeavors, the most extreme cases get the most reaction. It's not like Freud and Jung started on normal people. So anyway, this was my bullshit reading from some horoscope place that I got from one of Tim's cats blogs. It's the first time I ever got a horoscope reading online. And it will be the last. Except on my birthday. Everyone does that!

      To your advantage
      This influence just makes you feel contented and at ease. Today all your dealings with family, loved ones, friends or business contacts will go very well, because you project warmth and concern for others. New connections made today may be beneficial in the future. This influence would be a good sign of success for a new romantic interest in your life. This is a good day for a short recreational trip to indulge your desire for beautiful surroundings. Financial transactions are favored during this time, and you should be able to negotiate in business to your advantage. Anything that you buy today should prove to be a worthwhile investment. In general under this influence you will feel that life is going more easily than usual, that with little effort everything is going as it should.


    That's so far off it's not even funny. It couldn't be more opposite in any way.

     
    Individual Specialness and the Ridiculous Idea of Reading Other People's Blogs and How it Will Lead to the Destrcution of America
    To be taken up at a later date.

    Followed by the article entitled - Bret Becomes a Republican

     
    The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs

    I'm a Baltimore boy. I don't lay claim to any other city and I don't like being away from my city for a long time. I go to other people's dwellings and I just don't feel the same. Now Baltimore is no great shakes but when you live somewhere you tend to find the beauty from time to time.

    I'm sure you all know we have only two professional sports teams in our city. We have the dismal and abysmal and utterly ulcer causing Orioles and the overachieving, stabber harboring, over-rated defense, home of the NFL's most sissy fans, Ravens. This is all we have. We aren't big enough or rich enough to support basketball or Hockey. I support my squads no matter how many times they break my heart and make me angry (It's somehow even sadder that they do break my heart and make me angry. But thus is the life of the underachiever and his quest for relief and escape through mass entertainment.) Now the Ravens did win the most coveted title in sports 3 years ago and the Orioles were a dominant team no more than 5 years ago. But, if your squad doesn't do it every year it seems as though the heart breaks just the same. This heartbreak leads to daily pain when you check the scores or Espn power ranking and always see your team in the bottom percentile. There is pain when you don't get anymore Monday night games. There is pain when your number one pitcher gets traded for 2 minor leaguers that you'll never hear from. There is pain when you hear the term "rebuilding process". For the people of Boston and Chicago however, there lies pain in a stronger form.

    Now both Boston and Chicago have laid claims to world champions in the past decade. Chicago has had it's Bulls and the occasional Blackhawk victory. Despite the Bears horrible string of events they have not starved for sports supremacy. Boston, being part of New England have managed to appear in two super bowls over the past 8 years and eked out one of the greatest upsets in Super Bowl history. While the Bruins and Celts haven't really lived up to par standards the fans of Boston have still managed to dance in the streets a couple times in the past decade.

    Now I know some people who think that our national sport is quickly changing into football. There is no doubt that the short, intense, violent, evenly matched season has weighed itself on the American psyche. It has made us feel as though every Sunday a small war being waged in places like Lambeau field. I find myself rising up every Sunday in hopes of a miracle, of bliss, of pure instant gratification that is all consuming and brings a just verdict of defeat or victory. Despite these mediaecntric soma pills and our new lust for hyped up cameras and violence, I am one who still believes our national sport is played between two chalked lines that lead to two yellow polls. I believe in strange baseball stadiums where walls jut out, pitchers warm up right next to the first basemen, fans are invovled by flying projectiles, teams sign powerful lefties because they have a short porch in right. This game of baseball is our national pastime.

    Baseball differs from football in so many ways. Football is intense. It involves critical decision making every play. It has the constant possibility of bodily harm. It has cheerleaders. It is rigidly timed and involves such plays as the "Blitz", "Bomb", and "Shotgun". Baseball is passive and spacial. It has no time limit. You have no idea when it will end. It is considered, besides tennis, as the mainstream gentleman's sport. It has nothing to do with the brutality and media savy puppet that has become football. For those of us who love baseball and football alike, ask us what we would rather see throughout an entire season. I don't think baseball would be in the majority, but I do think it would be in the majority of those people who take their cities, sports, and leisure passionately. The people who love the game of baseball get to watch a team grow. They get to see the youngsters come up in September to make something magical happen. They get to watch the slumps, the hot streaks, the aura of the past arise in impossible records that were never meant to be shattered. It is the utopian melting pot that holds our nationalities and creeds under one roof of rules and regulations that all are forced to abide by. It has more legends and heroes than any other sport and the generation coming to power now all played at least tee ball when they were little. Our current president owned a baseball team and every year you see the man who lives in the white house throw out the first pitch somewhere in America. It is still our nations games depsite the hype of the moguls.

    Most of us know the tragedy that has faced the Cubbies and BoSox over the last 85 years. Boston has the curse of the Bambino while Chicago has their famous goat and Charlie Root's jawing. The boSox have lived through Buckner's ball and Bucky Dent's bomb. The cubbies, while less prolific, have had to struggle through the confines of Wrigley and their curse to find a pitching staff in conjunction with underdeveloped teams that hurt for so many years because of horrible ownership and penny pinching. If I were to root for one team or the other I root for the Cubs. Reason 1) Boston is in Baltimore's division 2) I love Sammy Sosa.

    Last night I watched the BoSox clinch the ALDS over the boring A's. I felt something good about seeing them win. Robert Frost once said, "You know a true baseball fan by asking them one question, How do you feel about the Yankees? If their response is anything but love or hate then they are not a true fan". There is no bigger rival to the Yankees than the BoSox. To hopefully watch them get even with the baseball Gods by beating the hated Yankees would be true justice. And if they fell short one more year then it would only lend itself to the msytique that is baseball. Watching Boston win last night I felt a weird sense of camaraderie with all those fat visor wearing people at Jillians right next to the Dig. I felt like we bonded in some way. Two nights prior to that I watched the Cubs clinch against the bloated and lack luster Braves. Again a swelling came to me. A flush of blood and pride. A pride that I had for some sort of Baseball god (and if you play the game you know somewhere there is a baseball God) that was finally doing the right thing for all us people on Earth. He was going to make it possible for the cosmic collision of the Cubs and Red Sox.

    This is the moment that every baseball has been witing for. The ideal series. Every man in America has his fingers crossed somewhere for it to happen. They have them crossed for a game 7 with a boot or a bomb to decide the whole thing. They want to see Pedro drag his dying arm off the mound in a game 7 relief appearance after striking out Sammy Sosa with the bases loaded. Ot they want to see Sammy's traditional hop and jog as he crushes another one out onto the alley. I root for this game to happen. I root for it because it will help this game bring people back. It will give the media something to play with and bring the fans that have strayed to the brutality of football back into the motherly fold that is baseball.

     
    Laying Claim

    But I would like to take full credit for the following bands and their emergence.

    Coldplay 00'
    The Strokes 99'
    Badly Drawn Boy 98'
    Travis 97'
    Anytime you guys wanna send me some royalties don't be shy.
    Oh and by the way "The Scientist" is just a truely wonderful song. I don't care if everyone listens to it or not.

     
    Sports

    Tonight I saw two great games. I love sports for all they are. The utopia of society. Instant gratification. I'm going to start writing more about sports. Why? Because I like it, I'm a semi-slob. And sooner or later I'm gonna have to cash in the chips and start watching sitcoms and wearing athletic jerseys to local bars to bitch about my local football team's lack of a QB. Go BoSox!



    Monday, October 06, 2003

     
    Umm...do something

    I tried this once and got sidetracked. But I want to harness all this goodness into a beam of energy that can actually get something accomplised and change the world around us. Not on a huge level. But on a good level. On a level that takes me away from my distractions and indulgences that get more meeaningless every day and puts me back into seeing the direct results of my energy at work.

     
    Bitchin + Moanin

    Oh come on. Ok ok ok. We all do it. We all need to do it in some weird way. And if possible and if our lives are that good we can do it to someone we love and who will give us reflection and insight. But, for the love of God. There is a way to rise above. Call it energy. Call it a goal. Call it the ability to do many tasks in a row, look back and say, "well I did that today.". Let's call it whatever we want to call it. But the bottom line is I have no more time for bitchin and moanin. We are all too young, too smart, too focused (in our own way), and wonderfully great. The b+m gotta go. It gotta go now. Get out...

    Have you ever been around someone who b+m's all the time. No matter how much you love them. It's no fun. IT"S NO FUN! And that fun is the bottom line to relationships. Take it for what it's worth but fun is built on a lot of things, trust, honor, love, humor, humility, etc...all the way down the line...those things all get dusted under the table when the B=M brothers come out to play. Unless you are dealing with some hardships that constitute an array of support systems that all seem to fail simultaneously there is no reason why, with our current abilities (see above), that there should be an elongated stretch of pouting. I'm guilty. Yet I have caste the stone.

     
    Random Sprinkles on an Otherwise Shitty Ass Weekend

  • I brought my dad home for the weekend to get him out of that place. It was so heavy that I almost cracked. It was heavy. Like I was sitting there just thinking that I am now responsible for him. The way a teenage father is responsible for an unwanted baby. But that will all get worked out. It has to or it will end badly. He knows that him and I are entering survival mode. I just hate to see him scared you know. I don't think I ever felt sadder then when I was watching my father in a gas station becoming disoriented at the soda machine. I actually cried there in my car watching him fumble with the lid to go on the drink and then watching him swig out a little only to open the lid again and fill it back up. He had this distant gaze and a glaze of him that made him seem so fragile. So fragile...I sat there in my car as a ton of bricks slammed through my windshield and hit me in the mouth.

      Things making me smile
    1. Wake up Time - Tom Petty (I've said it once and I'll say it again. Wildflowers is just a brilliant album. And Tom Petty is extremely underrated at times. Well maybe not but when he burned his house down in the 80's because he was stoned and he admitted it...that was great...)
    2. This great Korean book of short stories. I just read this one short story "Three Days in Autumn". It's about this woman who gets her revenge on the world by becomming a gyno and then treating sexual diseases and performing abortions to keep the sex industry alive. It's so koreanly twisted.
    3. Stand By Me - Oasis (Over-indulgent awesome rock with guitar solos and lines of coke on the mic! Liam sounds awesome in this song.)
    4. My New DKNY socks. They make me feel so solid and pointless. And that's so why I bought them.
    5. Main Offender - The Hives (I would like to openly say Thank You to the last band of the genre that I liked. My love for that music is so dead. The Strokes new song is just a huge turd. I have to find the new hotness...)
    6. Grape Gatorade - With all these flavors like Glacier and Red Cool and Fierce coming out in the gatorade family...it's nice to see the traditional, yet also very untraditional, and often forgotten flavor of Grape make it's stand without the need to be called like "Staminafique" or "Great Grape"
    7. MTV cribs - Never in my life have I been more sad and entertained at the same time. It's like watching yourself be tortured and that was so much fun because you're like assualting your senses to find what you hate. I can't beleive people watch that and enjoy it. Sitting there saying, "Ooh look at all the shit I'll never have but I'm gonna torture myself into thinking I need" And then I totally did a mock cribs and walked around my house and imagined myself in front of the camera ripping open a bag of grandma utz and sitting on the couch to watch football. Introducing them to my Daewoo TV. I have to admit that I do like it when they go to the Po' peoples crib. Redman was hilarious. Like Puck's house wast just like my house. You also feel really sorry for their houses; the rich ones. Like what kid wants to live in such a strerile environment. My mom did a damn good job of making my house cozy.
    8. Hey Hey My My - Neil Young (it's just so unstoppable...and...so is Neil Young...i have to listen to that new album)
    9. Jeans - Dude I fucking own jeans! And that's like all I wear...i'm such a pendulum of a human being...you know if there is ever a revolution or cause I believe in...I am so totally there...and leading and like bleeding for it...)
    10. My Passport photo is just rediculous...I have this huge smile as if I were trying out for Wheel of Fortune.
    11. Pipe Dreams - Travis (Awesome song, Awesome band...but 45$ for a ticket...ya'll aint that cool now...)
    12. Blogger's of people I know - Is there anything better than pulling up with people you know and not pulling up with them. It's so awesome to read the blogs of people I know. It's so weirdly odd that that is how we relate, but after being in NYC and around Tim (and honestly we talked more while I was away via blgging and stuff then we ever did when I was in Bmore) and like it was awesome...it totally made me feel better...Everyday I anticipate and hope to just pop on there and read a funny story excerpt from doug or an observation or some sort of list of rules from Mike or one of Tim's analyzed dreams and his love for Snapple and delivered lunch sitting right next to his weird obsession with news about odd crap...like these things make the day better...
    13. Better Man - Pearl Jam (I remember Mirel telling me that she thought this song was "Butter Man" and I think that came up because we were singing it one day and she totally said "Butter man". I miss that girl. It's good to know she's still around...and oddly uncomfortable without me...nah nah nah...)
    14. My toenails and fingernails look really healthy
    15. Commercials My favorites today were the football ones...always the best for any aging athlete who enjoys light beer and arm wrestling in public...they had "Must be football season" and "True", and the United way ones are always awesome.
    16. Stevie Ray Vaughan
    17. Candles that don't warp and seem to last forever
    18. Having ugly girls think I'm cute
    19. My shitty ass poetry. I'm so happy I tried.
    20. My childhood friends. It just feels natural and so safe. Like a club that no one can ever ever join. No matter what happens to you in your life. There is always werid love there with my original kids. It's not always good and we have all definately gone our own ways. But it just folds so wonderful some times as long as you don't do it too often.
    21. Running into girls you slept with that now have real boyfriends but still want you to throw it to them one more time. And if their boyfriends are dicks and know who you are and get jealous or they have that bathroom talk with you, "You need to stay away from Michelle." that makes it all the more fun to flirt with them. Because once you feel a Baltimore girls ass freely...you can always feel it.
    22. I had a great analogy of emotional involvement with sports and how dumb it was. It was the only convo my father and I had the whole weekend that wasn't about how fucked we are. Getting upset or involved about sports is like waking up and throwing a hissy becuase it's cold out. It was better than that I assure you...but I remember my father and I went from that to Huxley, to DH Lawrence...it was a small ray of hope.
    23. Private rooms and other VIP things. I was given a private room this weekend and it was hot to walk past everybody and you know be taken care of. And then I felt all posh and jackassy so I gave it to a bunch of college kids knowing they would like it more.
    24. Mirel memories
    25. Charity - of any kind! Just being helpful in anyway. I think stuff like that rules. I love helping people...I have no idea why...even if it's some bullshit like helping someone move, bailing them out of jail, picking them up from the airport...stuff like that
    26. Solid craps
    27. Beverages that take you by surprise
    28. Having your own pretensiousness and arrogance go undetected and being aware of it the whole time.
    29. Spanish music

    So yeah the weekend sucked a little and I got totally salty on saturday night. But it's gonna get better. I have to believe that.



  • Saturday, October 04, 2003

     
    Apocalypse Now

    So since I decided to be sort of a good boy as of late. I stayed in tonight. Well I'm trying at least. And hey why not? It's not like when I go out I come home and am all happy about it. I usually feel real empty and all because the conversation gets dull and the girls get even duller. But anyway, what i did tonight watch the directors cut of AN and it was 4 hours long and so awesome.

    I remember the first college paper I ever wrote was about AN. I based it on the duality of man and the direct reference to Jospeh Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I got an A and was happy but I always realized that I wasn't getting everything out of the movie. Now I have tried all kinds of stimulants while watching both this movie and others. But sometimes that doesn't work. Take for instance my love of the movies Sphere and Eyes Wide Shut. Both of those have been endearing due to lucid innebritation. But tonight with the addition of the added scenes I got to sort some more stuff out.

    First off I would like to say that I think Coppola is a totally masturbatory guy, but he does tell a story pretty well. Anyway in the bonus material there is this great scene where they stop at this French Plantation run by French communists who basically act as a sounding board for the Vietnamese. It was great! They gave some pretty cool insight to how and why the war was started. And the lighting was so unclean that you could tell why it made the cutting room floor. They also had a cool barriel for Clean. Let's see what else was there that was added. Oh schanpps they had this one scene where they bargain with the playboy bunnies to have sex with them and Lance totally starts becomming strange and he cries with the playmate of the year while they are having sex. The movie also had a great over all them of class devision. And the trilogy themes were all over the place as well as the morality theory of, you do something wrong then you must die or at least suffer equaly reprocussions. I also liked the silence of Colonal Willard and how he listened and rarely ever spoke. And the two T.S. Elliot poems, I think they were Hollow Men and Waste Land but I'm not sure, were great. Anyway it was a well spent 4 hours. I enjoyed the directors cut and recommend it. Oh yeah the shitty title of my paper was "Apocalypse When?".





    Favorites List
    Pandora Song List
    Amazon Wish List
    Reading
    Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
    Brian Jones

    Things Making Me Smile
    The City
    Newness
    Listening - [out of 5]
    Benjy Ferree - 4.8
    The Thermals 3.1
    David Gray 3.8

    Quote(S)
    Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

    Bands That I Check Schedules For
    Badly Drawn Boy
    Belle and Sebastian
    Benjy Ferree
    The Black Keys
    Deerhoof
    Drive By Truckers
    The Eels
    Enon
    Kimya Dawson
    Mark Hopkins Band
    Oasis
    Iron and Wine
    Mates of State
    Ted Leo
    Travis
    Two if By Sea
    Ween

    Places I Rock in the Flesh
    9:30 Club
    Black Cat
    Electric Factory
    Fletcher's
    8x10
    The Knitting Factory
    The Otto Bar
    Recher Theatre
    Sonar

    Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
    Aldo's
    Bishop's Collar
    Boccacio's
    Cross Street Market
    Hull Street
    Joun Gak
    Mick O'Shea's
    No Way Jose
    Porter's
    The Irish Pub
    Turner's
    The Waterfront Hotel

    My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

    The time I almost killed a child
    July 4th in Korea
    Excerpts from Demian
    Why I screen phone calls
    Bret's Death Metal Report
    A conversation at a cocktail party
    A conversation at breakfast
    So you think you are a Baltimorian
    A conversation about a girl singer
    Observations from a bar
    Observations of strippers
    Tech Language
    Why I love Oasis
    I would go to war
    "You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
    Dance to Your Ocean
    Dream Ranch
    When men become pussies
    Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
    Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
    The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
    The Hatred that is Runts Candy
    Starting corporate line-up
    Google Bio
    Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
    The Night I Burned Philly Down
    So You Want to be a Booze Hound
    She Said it was Free
    Funniest Corporate Story Ever
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