- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I Just Wanted to Remind You of How Scared We Should Be
"Oh who" you ask? "Of terrorists?" "Of the Russians...or otherwise known as terrorists? "Of the martians?" Nope as's of our own wonderful Government.
    "The Transportation Security Administration awarded a $12.8 million contract Friday to Lockheed Martin Corp. to link commercial databases, such as credit histories, with airline travel data and government terrorist watch lists. The idea is to use the information to assign a risk level --- green, yellow or red --- to all travelers before they get to the airport. Those with higher risk levels would get extra scrutiny, which the TSA says would lead to more effective security. "

We need to find out what all these agencies do. The transport administration is in charge of giving me a color that tells people whether or not I may be a terrorist. I don't even mind the term terrorist. Their branding ain't working on me. I still fear rapists, pedaphiles, and murderers much more. So you guys are really dropping the ball in the branding department . I guess they didn't read their 22 immutable laws.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Bret Be Back Soon

Nasty weekend, busy week. Be back soon.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Ass Clown Part Deux

Remember the other ass clown that wrote about Baltimore and it's illegitimate sports climate. Well, Jason Whitlock of has written an article claiming that Americans rooting against the NBA all-stars are racist. Lord...sigh...

That's retarded, for me anyway. I'm sure most cornbread white towns are sittin' around throwing around the "n" word like it's nobodies business, just like it always is on any Tuesday night at old Fat Ass Bill's Ribs and Bud Bottle night. I'm almost positive that is happening somewhere. But for me, your standard frattastic white guy, the color of our team captains and how many tattoos they have, has no affect on my desire to root against them.

First off, I never rooted for the other dream teams. Pros in the Olympics, who cares? The Olympics in general are a big yawn. But what has always made it interesting is the underdog factor and the no name factor. You know what I like to watch during the Olympics? I like to watch Volleyball and Swimming and Track and Field (ain't too many whities running the 100m but hell if I wasn't pulling for the red white and blue) You know why I root for those guys? Because they do it out of devotion and dedication and love I guess. Sure they get a pretty sweet half a mil endorsement but it ain't worth four years of "maybe's". The point is they don't make millions. And I won't have to see them again for another 4 years. Most importantly their agents aren't on the other end of the phone saying, "You know Dwayne Wade if you play on the Olympic team you immediately have credibility with white America. Your t-shirt and shoe sales will go up blah blah blah..." That's why they do it. I don't want to hear about American pride and Gold Medals. I'm sure that has a little pull but not much. Not much at all in my opinion. But besides all that, the main point is the underdog factor.

I would rather see any group, any fucking group of people take down Goliath. And since most Americans don't exactly identify with our current level of international representation (political, not racial dick face), I find myself rooting for anyone other than us. I think most American's would rather see our entire team go down in flames if for nothing more than to see George Bush squirm just a little bit. Hell, I know I would.

American's are allowed to think for themselves, and it's your fault, yes, you, ESPN and SI, it's your fault for making the underdog so loved. You make us love the story and not the team. You make us care about Little Bill Bumphry and not the star athlete. Well now deal with the fact that we want Greece to kick our ass in Basketball. We want David to reach into his bag, pick up a stone, and sling that fucker. We want Hoosiers. We want Rudy. We don't need the New York Yankees, on a world stage of brotherly love, kicking the crap out of Germany. How graceful would Ali look taking on a crew of 4 year olds in a boxing match. And imagine for a second if Ali showed up 50 pounds over weight, saying "Ahh fuck these kids.". Imagine that, and that's how I feel about the US basketball team.

It's always been our sport. Even baseball would be something to watch, as the Cuban national squad took it to us. Hockey, hell we never win, and Golf is pretty even too. Basketball has been our international flag ship, and to see it come down, is kind of refreshing. It's a stale sport. It's a stale league. You're a stale writer who needed to sell some papers. Well congrats!

I mean, you want us to swallow a b-rated all star team, that has been turned down by all the real players, going over to Greece to crush Monte Negro Serbia. Oh no. That would be like Charles Bronson and John Wayne turning down the role in a movie and you giving us Sean Claude Van Damn and Steven Segal. No no my dear you won't get my ticket money.

I mean seriously, how can you not root for anyone but us? Our arrogance has gotten so bad that the once beloved and beheld country overseas, where James Dean came from, and Elvis taught men to screw, is now revered and looked at much like Russia in the 80's. We seem clumsy and ugly. We have drug scandals and celebrations that seem infantile and flaccid. Our own ego as a country has turned us against our latest church, sports. Our own ego as a country has alienated it's people into feeling shamed about being good at something. When I see an American win, I'm not thinking, "Wow what a great story. I'm so proud to be an American." I'm thinking, "I wonder how many cycles of roids that fucker stuck in his ass? Oohh what toy will be attached to his name that my kids will want to buy? How many countries did we just offend?"

Leave the Olympics for what they are. It's an amateur showing of good will. It's a time to come together as a world, seemingly lay down our arms, and fucking hug. We shouldn't be prancing around like lions, licking our chops, after we just devoured the lamb that is the Nigerian Softball team.

Some direct rebuttles to ass clown man's quotes
    Americans do not have to support a group of black American millionaires in any endeavor. Despite the hypocritical, rabid patriotism displayed immediately after 9/11, it's perfectly suitable for Americans to despise Team USA Basketball, Allen Iverson and all the other tattooed NBA players representing our country. Yes, these athletes are no more spoiled, whiny and rich than the golfers who fearlessly represent us in the Ryder Cup, but at least Tiger Woods has the good sense not to wear cornrows.
Lord. First off, don't tell me who I should root for and on top of that, if I choose not to root for someone don't throw out the stupid fucking race card. I want that hillbilly fucking gymnast to give back his medal to my Korean brother but shit no one writes about that. The race card is so fucking lame. As a white guy you can't get around it. Have any of you white people out there ever been accused of being racist? What the hell do you say to that? There's nothing you can say. I'm sure it's worse the other way around but it's a lame ass thing to call someone out on. Next...
    There's no reasonable justification for the sheer delight that many red-blooded, patriotic Americans are taking from the USA's struggles.
Yes, there is. I'm ashamed of my country right now. I like the underdog. And I don't care if Lebron James gets a medal. I do care if some weirdo who rows everyday gets one. Go CREW 04'!!! Oh but wait, the crew guy is probably white. I mean, go High Jumpers. Or go crew with cultural diveristy! I love everyone...! Ugh....
    If this team doesn't win the gold medal (they beat Spain Thursday to advance to the semifinals), I half expect Americans to spit on Iverson, Duncan, LeBron James and Carmello Anthony at the airport.
First off someone needs to tell this guy that there is no sport dying faster than basketball. And no one, maybe like 20 people will be at the airport when Team USA comes home.
"Hey look Carmello Anthony."
"Yeah, Great! Come on we're gonna miss the shuttle bus."
    This team is being discussed unfairly in the media and being treated unfairly by American sports fans. There's a lot of convenient denial going on. No one wants to deal with the truth because they're having too much fun blasting a bunch of black millionaires for being lazy, unpatriotic and stupid. With the exception of adding the word "millionaires," this is a very familiar tune.
Oh man! Somebody throw this guy a new tune to play.
    But do they care about the Olympics the way Michael Phelps does? No. And we shouldn't expect them to. American basketball players don't spend their childhoods dreaming about playing in the Olympics. Their goal is the NBA. For swimmers and track athletes and gymnasts, one the other hand, the Olympics is the pinnacle.
Thank you... he's finally making sense. It's like a big fat guy playing goalie in hockey. Who wants to root for someone who never cared about or trained for what they are currently doing? Not I.

The Itch

I'm getting that tattoo itch again. I figured I should at least get myself something for my birthday. I am thinking of the Leo sign with the sign for the Sun in the middle and the little tail of the sign extending either into a real looking lion tail or my initials. That's about all I got. Of course I'll have to pay someone to draw it...and then I have to think about where I want to get it...because man...once you get know you are going to get 3...and it's all downhill from there...

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Drive by **uckers and This Large Hearted Boy Character

Ah ah the two "**". That's Drive by TRuckers my friends. Anyway, everyday I go through my routine. I come in, check my fantasy baseball teams. Then I go to look at any breaking the world of sports sadly. After that I go to check my own blog and see if there are any comments and to make my rounds. From my blog it's off to Tim's Blog where I am overwhelmed by the content and immediately have to start planning my day in order to digest it all. Then it's over to Doug where I am saddened that he hasn't written anything in months, then to Mike (see Doug), then to the Yellow Peril (whom I got from Mike), then to my other outlet, then it's off to my last dose of morning happiness before I have to hit the keyboard.

It's off to this Large Hearted Boy fellow. He puts up mp3's of shit that I would never find. Now, most of this stuff, to me, is rather, well....awful. But, we have a similar alignment in music. Therefore, when he vouches for days on end about a CD, I usually not only DL the mp3's but more than likely will also buy the disc. He's been talking about the Drive By Truckers for quite a while now, and while they themselves have been around for quite a while, I found their music exactly what I needed. It's somewhat disheartening to think that I hada no idea about these guys. It's southern. It's honest. It's damn refreshing. It's Good check 'em out. I vouch. DL til your heart is content.

I arrived in NY this morning for another week of getting my teeth kicked in at work. I arrived at Penn Station to a barage....a fucking tidal wave of cops. Cops coming out of the windows. Cops in the bathroom. Most of them with German Sheps that look none like the dogs you would want to pet. I'll probably have more on it as the week goes. I mean, I have no idea what to really write on it now, nor do I have the time.

There was a rye feeling that something bad, something really bad, may happen next week. It was my gut talking. It was just an aura that the city had as I walked out of the station. There was this tired sense of being whipped over and over again. A sound of sighs seemed to fill the mouths of everyone, even those German Sheps.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Once In a Lifetime

Well maybe not once in a lifetime...but at least once in every 30,940 according to Well anyway...I hit a Royal Flush. Never had one before, oddly enough I had never had a straight flush until about a week ago. Here's the image...enjoy...

Where I Been?

Apparently everyone in the world is down with this thing. I had no idea. Why didn't anyone ever tell me of the hilarity that is Strongbad's Email and Teen Girl Squad? I really like Strongbad but Teen Girl Squad is better. I haven't laughed this hard at something online that involved flash since, well shit, I can't ever remember laughing this hard at something online. Well, maybe at the Lobster's and Magnet cartoon. Anyway, I know this site is old because I see all the characters on here being used on my poker sites and IM images. Enjoy!

Friday, August 20, 2004

And the Men Take the Cake

So yeah my obsession took a new turn today. I got so tired of looking at the girl bios that I went over and looked at the men. Oh man and the hilarity ensued. I thought the girls were bad but Jesus, the men are just horrifying.
    im a great guy hands down, fun, witty, hilarious, intelligent, nice, caring, honest, just good to be around. i treat women like princesses, and expect it back (well like a prince in my case cus id look funny in a tiara). Love making my girl when i have one happy, from bein affectionate even in public to givin them a massage when they look like they could use one, even if i just got off work. Most important things to me in a girl is honest, intelligent, nice and fun. and itd be nice if she made me sandwiches theyre my fave.
So apparently it is important for a guy to seem as though he's a fucking moron. If you describe youself as intelligent, it would be nice if you attempted to speak in something other than street-eez and even tried to use capital letters WhEn ApPPropppieate. I really get a whole shaven ape thing from most guys. I guess that's what girls like; someone they can boss around.
    Simple. Easy to get along with. Almost boring. Best expereinced live. Been in B-more for five years now. Own a house, one car, one truck, four bicycles.
I think guys are really confused about what it is to be a guy. I don't know who told them it was OK to cry at the movie "Beaches" and it was fine to admit that they prefer orthopedic shoes, but you know, it really isn't. Jesus Christ, when did they start giving out free neuterings. Sign me up. Take my penis away!
    i like going to bars and clubs its fun but its not realy a place to find quality people im not saying that it cuoldent happen but good luck.i also like to go fishing or just taking cruises on the water when i get the chance to. i would say im a prety easy going guy and defenetly laid back i would like to find someone with same intrests as me.
First off...what interests are those? And secondly, guys, I know I'm not the greatest speller or anything, but I'd like to think if I was represented in a sexual, social, manner where I was unable to defend myself, then I would consider, with vigor, to try and use a spell checker.

Anyway, obviously I understand a male's psyche more than a females, but I'm confused by this tone of..., well..., faggotry. (Gay guys are more assertive than this. As a matter of fact, if given my choice, about dating tips, I always look to gay men. Gay men always get what they want...anyway...I'll stop defending writing about gay guys in a way to counteract the animosoty and furrowed brows shown to my use of the word "faggotry".) Why don't you guys just break out your woobie and cry because your mom doesn't cook you brownies anymore? I really miss the 50's. That should have been my decade.
    My dream girl is someone who knows how to have a good time either by goin out and getting wild or just by chilling at home watching a flick. She aslo definitely has to have a good sense of humor, and be confident in herself. It wouldn't hurt any if they were cute too.
You! Yeah you! Go kill yourself! Apparently everyone in the world is an easy going person. My profile would seriously open up as, "One Anrgy Motherfucker most of the time. I'm smarter than you so don't try to boss me around. I've had sex with a lot of women so if you use sex as a weapon or don't enjoy it then go away. I'll make a shit load of money one day. If you are willing to keep your mouth shut and smile a lot then you almost have a shot...." I think that's perfect.
    I would like to meet a woman who can be smart,sexy,suttle,funny and physically energetic. My match would have to be faithful for a mature relationship and be respectful of others around them such as friends and family. Differences in interests are a good thing I believe as well as the similarities between interests or dislikes. A great sense of humor is must because I usually spend my days throwing out quotes and wise cracks with a touch of dry sarcasm. I like someone who is confident enough to make sound judgements and the maturity of taking on the responsiblities for their actions.
Yeah...umm...5th grade English anyone? Anyone know how to spell "subtle"? Yes, LastSweetGuy93? Umm..yeah...s-u-....t-...t-l-e. Sorry, that is incorrect. This is just rediculous to read. Did he write this in crayon and then scan it in and hit some miracle OCR button. Maybe this guy is Latvian or maybe Bulgarian and the verb, noun, ....semblence of a thought structure is too overwhelming?
    I am one who is looking to have the time of my life. I am persistent in working to be somebody and am looking for someone that would appreciate me for it. I like it when someone is really interested and not looking to waste time. I like to have conversations that are not just about ourselves, yet about everyday life (i.e. news, gossip, culture, some politics and philosophy etc..) I like to listen to all kinds of music (alternative. classic, progressive, country, and even some classical.) Ladies, if this catches your interests give me a sign ; )
How does this not catch your eye? You just described everyone in the f'n world. You are Mr. Male Guy. I have no idea when the pea pod people came down and sucked our brains out and made us all nervous and sad about our own abilities.
    My perfect "dream date" started from a passion I have had all of my life. For as long as I can remember I would always look to the skies with great admiration for the few lucky people that spent most of their time aloft. As we grow older and begin to develop our careers it gives us opportunity to chase our dreams and that is exactly what I have done. In the fall of 2002, I began a journey that has enhanced my life and I hope that one day it will enhance the life of that special person I meet.
huh...? I mean seriously...huh? Did my man here just get poetic and shit yo? Damn brother you be keepin it i hads no idears you had that ins you.
    What's to say in here? I'm looking for an honest, upfront woman who has a great sense of humor, is intelligent, and doesn't drink, smoke, or use drugs. That's me, as well, except... I'm not a woman :-P Someone who is open about their feelings without being too over-dramatic, and someone who can appreciate affection - doesn't need 'space' all the time. I'm a very touchy-feely person (and within reason), so those who fear personal contact might not want to say hi. :)
"I would also like it if you put on my grandmothers underwear and called me 'little Billy'." This guy even scares the shit out of me and all I'm doing is reading. He's got to be in Marines or something.

These profiles and blurbs are making me think about not only the differences between men and women but how much of an apathetic, overmedicated, consumeristic society we really have. I'm not saying that all comes across in these bios, but man, something has to be affecting the way people interact.

Short observations :
Girls write more than guys.
Girls are more specific about their desires and activities, whereas guys could care less and basically just want something warm to come home to.
Girls are often in photos with friends.
Guys are often in shirtless photos strewn over a couch with a beer on the table. Or they are apt to be in a profile shot, looking aloof, and unconcerned that they are about to be immortalized.
Guys are more likely to put their adjectives into long lists that include sports teams and car types, where as girls tend to focus more on personality attributes.
Guys talk a lot more about their friends and always list them as extremely important, where as girls seem to focus more on family.
Girls are definitely better writers. Or at least better at expressing themselves without reverting to acronyms and slang yo. "Yo I beez abouts the dopest guy around 8^)...tchyaa..I'm Rick James Bitch....!" Go die!
Guys tend to use much more slang.
I've seen some of these guys around. I went to highschool with two of them.

A Damn Good Effort
I don't know why but this sort of stuck as honest. From
    You're not like anyone else you know. You're confident, adventurous, love a thrill, and will cook for me. You're up for anything because its about who you are with not what you are doing - the right people can make even the most boring event something to remember. I'll be attracted to the body you keep in shape through exercise and decent diet but will fall for your open-mindedness, thoughtfulness, drive, and compassion. You like the line "a lady on the street but a freak in the bed" but would never go after someone for sex only or join one of those Adult Friend Finder sites - you know that's pathetic and have enough charm and charisma to get girls the traditional way. You'll love my brutal honesty!
See that's not bad. It's specific and direct. It's not exactly pan fried ice cream but it's a nice break from, "I like warm sunny days and apple jacks in my PJ's with a big strong cowboy to hold me and read my Dr. Seuss stories."

Oh but then again -
    I love adventure! I want to learn how to rock climb, go rock diving, bike local trails enthusiastically, and love to salsa dance. Everyone knows that quiet time is important too but if you want to paint the town, I'm your girl.
Hmm...I want to learn how to jog ENTHUSIASTICALLY! Holy Shit I am enthusiastic over biking. Enthoooooooose me with your peddling. I swear if another girl says she loves mountain baking or biking, I've already lost one person to that God awful pansy sport, I'm not about to get tangled up again in the idea of wearing a goofy helmet and tight pants.
    favorite hot spots:
    I have not lived in DC very long but enjoy Adams Morgan - the people are spunky and original. Never a boring night!
Ahh blah...You suck. You suck hardcore. Why can't people be imaginative in their responses? What about them makes them suck so hard core?
    favorite things:
    I love being out in the rain, especially on my bike. I love to dine outside in the summer and hope to find a man who will picnic with me on the beach.
No You don't NO NO NO NO NO NO YOU DON'T. Nobody has picnics on the fucking beach. Who are these people bringing cheap white wine and apples to the sand everwhere. Who the fuck rides their bike in the rain? Just 100% poppycock.
    last read:
    Like everyone else, I read Da Vinci Code. Its original and full of action - I recommend it!
Uh huh...

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Yep, I turn 25 Sunday (I write this now because I notice my posts go on hiatus from Fri-Sun). No, there won't be any resolutions or things I plan to do now that I have hit the quarter century. I learned long ago that creatures of habit don't change out of wanton desires of fads and mystique. Creatures of habit need to be forced. Whymsical ideolgies and enigmatic people come often and in droves. These elements fly by our lives at such a pace, only a fool would be willing to spend time making resolutions. I just want to smile.

I want to leave my past behind me and move on. I don't think I've ever said that. I don't think I have eve wanted to forget my past. But, for my birthday, all I want to do is not remember anything that keeps haunting me. If even for a day that would feel like a nice change of pace. It seems as though my memory is the worst part about my mind. I can't let things go and I dwell on things that no longer matter. To let go of all those melancholy metallic memories and feelings would be a great gift.

More importantly and above all else, I would like to be left completely alone on my birthday. I've never really had a good birthday. I've never had a party or a big cascade of presents or anything like that. I don't like being in the spotlight all that much. I get pretty bashful pretty easy when I'm the center of attention and it isn't professionally related. Anyway....I turn 25 Sunday. Nothing will change. I don't think at this point, it ever really does, unless you really want to make it happen.


Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

*This DR album went trip plat in Ire. Listen to it...just the first 4 tracks to see if it floats...those are your keepers.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Promising Light

time & all you gave
i was the jerk who preferred the sea
to tussling in the waves
tugging your skirt, singing please, please, please

but now i see love
tracked on the floor where you walked outside
now i see love
looking for you in this other girl's eyes

time & all you took
only my freedom to fuck the whole world
promising not to look
promising light on the sidewalk girls

but now i see love
there in your car where i said those things
now i see love
tugging your skirt, singing please, please, please

time & all you gave
there on your cross that i never saw
well beyond the waves
dunking my head when i heard you call

but now i see love
there in the sea where you pinched my leg
now i see love
there on your side of my empty bed


Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Ideology Shift
I was just watching this flash cartoon when a cold rush came over me. I was watching and noticing that all the evil traits that we grew up with in cartoons now lend themselves to positive atrributes.

The idea of the noble hero in our culture is dead. How do I know this? Instinctively I was watching the old miser character or the cheating villain and the whole time I was saying to myself, "Well shit, that makes sense. Corner the market. Steal all his stuff. Do whatever you can to get an edge." This is our culture. This is our culture to me. The idea of American ideology, to me, must have died with Reagan, but more recently I find myself so disenchanted and apathetic towards our way of life that I sense us heading for a huge and near downfall. It's been said a billion times but Jesus Christ we have a completely imcompetent evil person running the greatest idea ever concocted by man. Not only do we have that, but all around him and you and myself we have overmedicated, overconsuming, fat, illiterate slobs. I mean hell in the past whether it be slavery or taxes or war or land ownership we were at least passionate about our ignorance, we can't even get it up anymore. It seems almost pathetic to consider pride in your work, and to live humbly. It seems sad to learn a craft or help out your fellow man. It seems almost rediculous to work your whole life for nothing more than your family. It seems right to cheat and lie and live like a fat hog, like the one's you used to watch when you were little, trying to corner and kill Bugs Bunny.


~~So may the sunrise bring hope where it once forgotten.
Sons are like birds flying upwards over the mountain.

Mother don't worry I killed the last snake that lived in the creek bed.
Mother don't worry I've got some money I saved for the weekend.

Mother forgive me now that the creek drank the cradle you sang to.
Mother forgive me I sold your car for the shoes that I gave you.

Mother don't worry I've got a coat and some friends on the corner.
Mother remember the night that the dog had her pups in the pantry.
Blood on the floor and fleas on their paws and you cried til the morning.

So may the sunrise bring hope where it once forgotten.
Sons are like birds flying upwards over the mountain. ~~

Sam's the man.

Monday, August 16, 2004

More more more

Scroll down two posts to see what I'm doing here...

    The research work and study in school can be boring sometimes, but the flexible schedule and nice colleagues make me satisfied. I cook some fancy dishes whenever I feel like to, and then I share them with my friends. Their compliments and enjoyment of the food make me very happy. I make several short or long trips with my friends each year, which are the happiest time of that year.
Ahh the foreign girls. By the picture and name this girl is def. Korean. Now, I'm not going to make fun of her because she may have written this down out of her "Primsleur's Guide to proper English" textbook. I'm going to actually warn her that someone will read this, assume you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground and the next thing you know you whave a 300 pound greasy fat guy, with all the Led Zepplin box sets, chasing you aroung the greater Washington area, trying to give you Komono's and Platinum chopsticks. Be weary foreign, beautiful, wonderful, ladies that the more you sound like a Rhube (umm...innocent dumb ass) the more you will be treated like one.
    My perfect date: A cappuccino and fat-free latte, the scent of cinnamon and freshly baked scones echoing my warm fuzzy feeling. perfect date is laughing in your face at you telling me what your perfect date is. People are just really weird with their specificity. Who the hell has a perfect date? Be lucky you ate. Be lucky you didn't get dropped of on North Ave and MLK at 12:30 when you said you wouldn't go home with me. Take happiness in short strides sweety, don't assume we'll be drinking coffee and doing the NY Time crossword puzzle while discussing the names of our childhood stuffed animals.
    I am obsessed with dogs and prefer to call them by the nickname "poots;" I am annoyed by those who cannot spell and/or use improper grammar; I have a perpetual case of road rage; I'm addicted to Jeopardy; I love men in uniform--even a suit counts ;) --and I could eat seafood 24/7.
Obviously ----,---*() you are , % a stickler, for, grammar; and spellin'g's. Jesus. Get a life. Maybe you and "poots" well all the "poots'" I guess can go down to the elementary school and hit kids on the knuckles with rulers when they spell stuff wrong.
    I'm a very fexable gal that likes the outdoors and indoors. I appreciate sitting in front of the fire place watching the rain or a nice walk in the woods. I'm willing to try just about anything once. Right now, I go to college and have just finished my fifth year. Yes I know it is a long time, but I really want my degree. My major is marketing. I consider myself an old fashion gal because I believe in waiting for sex. The part of my body what people notice the most is my smile. I'm a caring, loving, and sensitive lady thats is also a romantic. Also, I am not in to guy with very hairy chests.
I don't even know where to start here. I'll ignore the obvious, "sex" segway and immediately skip to the question burning a hole in my receeding hairling, Where on God's green Earth do you attend college and what do they teach you there? I've never seen a fexable gal but I hope she's hot. I also can only imagine that whoever sits by the fire and watches the rain is a special individual. Just picture that image, that shit doesn't happen. Oh but, alas, I have a hairy chest. It seems as though this "lady" will escape me.
    Hi ya! I debated putting my profile online, but I figured I would give this a shot. What the hey! Besides, I like to meet new people from different parts of the country, and I figured this would be adventurous! I enjoy having fun and being around people, but at the same time I like my privacy and down time. My friends often times describe me as "the life of the party".
I'm willing to refute the idea that your "friends" call you the "life of the party". First off, I'm willing to bet that you have very few if any real friends. I bet you talk to an invisible big guy called Bernie for about 2 hours a day. These people are also very common as they just do it as a walk-in. They don't expect anything to come of it, they just felt lonely and thought they would take a shot at finding someone who wasn't named Glen and wasn't always asking, "Hey you wanna ride the white horse sometime?"
    "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. " - Mae West. So.. the basics. I love dogs, the beach, anything readable, Pete's Strawberry Blonde, live music, cool sheets and avocados. I just finished college and I'm trying out this whole "career" thing.
Sweety you need to go back to Senior Week for another 2 or 3 years. Also, what the hell is so risky that you had to choose between such horrible evils like Ice Cream and Sheets.

Oh God...More...

Blogger should really allow you to order your posts differently. are some more excerpts from the online dating pool and my ever so wonderful comments.
    Spending a day with me could mean visiting local museums or hiking through a park. It could mean a black tie dinner party at my apartment or ordering a pizza and renting a movie (silly or serious depends on my mood :-)
Oh shit...I can't stop laughing at this one and I don't even really know why. I guess it's the smiley face after the "black tie" at my apartment reference. And by the way, does everyone in the world go hiking but me. I've never been hiking in my entire life, are there just billions of hikers out there on Saturday and Sunday aimlessly walking through the suburban woods in hopes of finding a romantic spark or a eupohoric endorphine rush via walking with insects and small lowland creatures that carry rabies and to do this all in the hopes of seeing "nature". Anyway...the hiking thing is always kinda lame. I know not one person who hikes.
    I have to admit, I have an extreme fondness for engineers and computer techies, I think because in the past I've always found them to be very grounded and exceptionally handy around the house.
No, you have an extreme fondness for a steady paycheck that more than likely will always have a decent shot at a job if they get laid off. You also assume that these guys are just pointless enough to never challenge you, as "us" computer people often are more apt to cry and whine to our online gaming clan then to stick up to our masochistic angry girlfriend. Think again lady. We gets down for the crown. Polo shirts and pleated pants forever BABY...WEST SIDE! Wow that got out of hand...
    Someone who sees swans that skip in oversized galoshes and penguins smoking cuban cigars in the clouds. Someone who knows how to linger over the collarbone and the inside of the wrist when getting to know a woman's body. Someone who knows how to be vulnerable without losing their sense of personal strength. Confidence without arrogance. Intelligence without inflexibility of opinion.
Get fucking real. What a joke this statement is...Why don't you just say, "Hey I want Folger's original zesty blended norther Italian aroma bean. Not the Southern Italian heavy aroma." Hey, dipshit girl, be happy if the guys has a job and can cook on his own when you have to work late night at the pick n' pay to afford his outstanding gambling habits.
    I just read The Lovely Bones, very sad actually, about a fourteen year old girl that gets murdered and goes to heaven, she watches her family over the years and you see what her disappearance does to them. It was on the bestseller list!
Ahh the reader girls. Why is it that noone finds Atlas shrugged until their mid 20's, ahh I know because now they are worried about their mating stock. "Hmm let's see what can I read that can make me viable as a mate. Ahh I know, a big thick book that everyone else has read and that even idiots can get ths metaphors and meaning behind." I don't know what this book 'The Lovely Bones' is all about, but my guess, is that it probably is accompanied with a cup of English Toffee Tea, a big blanket with bears on it, and a pair of sweatpants, that on the ass strewn across in 14 point block roman letters reads, "Cheer".
    I love running in the rain, reading a book on a stormy night.
No, you don't. You maybe did these things once out of a situation that did not allow you to divert them. No one seeks out "rain running" you ass face liar, and who the hell curls up with books only when it rains. People say shit like this like they are trying out for a Danielle Steele novel or something.
    I am very outgoing, full of energy, full of life. Like to try new things and places. Love to shop. Love to dance. Always smiling. Lady-like. Sometimes shy, until you really know me! Give great first and lasting impressions. Sometimes crazy, sometimes cool and collective. Depends on atmosphere. Independant. Intelligent.
"I also hate sentence and well formed thoughts. Did I also mention that I don't have a fucking clue about myself and that my boyfriends have all been absurdly rude to me and my friends and I have never talked about anything more that our childhood obsessions with Zack from "Saved by the Bell". Awesome....
    am a hard working female who will make time for an afternoon at Camden Yards with good company (and a bag of peanuts wouldn't hurt). I love to sing karaoke and dance the night away at one of Baltimore's hotspots!! I'm not a big fan of reality TV, but I might sneak a peak at The Amazing Race (Jon and Al should have won #4)! I love tracing my genealogy and exploring historical places -- specifically Revolutionary and Civil War battlefields. I AM a kid at heart and am a wee bit obsessed with anything Disney (I survived Vista Way) and the Circus
Holy shit! Run laddddd! Run! Heeeead for them there hiieells because I'm a "wee" bit sure that this girl is a monster. If she's doesn't already have kids than she does have eggs inside her like "Alien" and they are just waiting to fall out and hatch and attach themselves to your face to breed more just like her. Run boy run!!!
    Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my profile. My friends describe me as energetic, athletic, well-rounded well-educated, smart, cute, independent, funny, polite, and successful.cute, fun, light-hearted person who likes the simple things in life. Some of my interests include nature, planting flowers and sitting on my deck with a good book. I also enjoy sitting by the pool relaxing and chatting with family and friends.
Oh aren't we old. I'm guessing this profile says, wait and I haven't looked at least 33. Ok...nope it's 29. Ahh the old ones, nothing is sadder than a 30 year old woman with no career, on an online dating mehcanism expressing to me that she may be the most boring person alive. If I was an accountant named Maury I still wouldn't touch this.

Secret Love for Online Dating

I am a fan of people. Nothing turns me on more than people and how they act. It's an addiction that has dried itself out on the rungs of bars and eateries here in Baltimore and has taken me online for me to get my fix. Oh yeah...I am registered with like 7 online dating services. Now, I don't have pictures up there, and I've never filled out anything.I never respond to anything and have never emailed anyone or do I ever hope to talk to any of these people. So stop right there before you attack me. I do this for a weird voyeur window shopping entertainment. It's like watching a car wreck. I read them everyday, religiously . They are my National Enquirer, it is my Reality TV, this is my mind numbing activity. I am thinking about putting together a list of some of the stuff I read, as sadly, much like the bar and eat scene, these biographical description never seem to stray far from each other. Apparently every girl in the world just wants a rich cowboy, who likes Sex and the City, and is willing to except someone for all their flaws. Here are some examples of shit that you come across...
    The "right" guy has to make me laugh... There should be attraction/chemistry and common interests but then a few opposite interests so that we can experience new things. Caring, honesty, trust and understanding to crazy good time families are very high on my priority list for a guy...Enjoying fun nights out on the town, but also low key nights watching movies...I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but whatever happens, happens, right?
Basically this just tells me that you are from the suburbs and you have been fucked by different guys more times than God has made a river. This is so terribly non-specific and non-thought out that it's no wonder you are on here looking to get your next fix of man love. And what exactly are "crazy good time families"?
    Bars & Clubs: Power Plant Live used to be the big hoppin place, but now its more of Fell's Point, Canton and Federal Hill. I greatly enjoy meeting new people in these places, you can find some interesting and very knowledgable characters.
"I'm so enthrawled by booze hounds and guys who can't afford the BMW's that there daddies paid the down payments on." This sort of description of a "hot spots to hang out"is also very common. They list the places that they have gone twice and left at midnight with the rest of their black pant brigade. These girls are easy to spot because they travel in herds to cut down on the fun resistance.
    Someone who is dedicated to his career, financial obligations and family, above all other things. Intelligence is important to me - someone who can challenge my mind. I like to have heated debates and intense conversations. Someone who is assertive and straight-forward...knows what they want out of life (or even out of an everyday situation) and has the confidence to make it happen. If they care about their appearance and physical health, all the better. It would be nice to meet someone who likes to play sports and work out too. And I cannot forget to say that they should be caring, romantic and affectionate - not afraid to show a "soft side" every so often.
These are often my favorites. These are the girls that know exactly what they want and aren't afraid to tell the truth. The other girls just want someone who won't beat them and hopefully will not piss on the toilet seat and want anal sex on a daily basis. This girl though, this girl says it all, "You better be rich, at least some day, you better be hot or else I can't get off, you better be smart so I can show you off to my friends without having to make excuses that you just aren't a pretty boy, and you better be willing to allow me to use sex as a weapon in order to have leverage in a relationship." These girls are the best ones because at least they don't sell themselves short with their man ambitions.
    My favorite city is Venice, Italy. I plan to go back someday, and just spend a week or so wandering through the mysterious, lonely canals. I believe that the best wasy to see a city is to get yourself lost in the middle, and explore your way out...
I.e. I was there once for a week on a tour with either my parents or school and this is the only real thing I have to say that's even remotely impressive about my life.
    I am new to the Maryland area. I just moved here a few months ago. I am looking to meet new people, and possibly that special someone. I am a very outgoing person and I am always up for trying something new. A few of the things that I enjoy doing on my spare time include spending time with family and friends, going to bars/nightclubs (occasionaly), the beach, working out at the gym, traveling/sightseeing, listening to music, watching movies, and spending time with my dog.
These are also very popular because apparently the jobless and friendless love to move to different places on a whim. The thing that gets me about most of these posts are the bracket comments that follow up most of the (almost) enticing comments about either sexual or daring social habits. You see it there with "(occasionally)" well hers is spelled wrong, but either way, this is to let us know that her days of being a slam pig for frat guys are over and she now really really really enjoys ordering house white zinf or a Merlot that she allows the waiter to choose. Either that or she had an alcoholic boy friend that used to flush her head in the toilet.
    I would like to meet someone that is romantic, honest, loving, and trust-worthy.
Whenever I see a description of the guy these girls want to meet without an inclusion of anything tangible, only subjective attributes, I immediately assume that her bio should read, "Hi, I'm going to totally become a soccer mom and get a fat ass. I don't care what you look like or what you do because I'm the boss of everything and I want a pet for a boyfriend."

More later....these were fun

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Mark Morford Strikes Again
I think he was on vacation or something because the balance in my universe was slipping due to no new article by Mr. Morford. But this came out yesertday.
Time To Get Out The Bush How do you know it's time for a major change in American leadership? Let us count the signs.
    You know it's time for a serious change when the president of the United States actually mutters the infantile, instantly infamous line, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," just after finishing phonetically spelling out his name, in his favoritest red crayon, on yet another budget-reaming $417 billion defense-spending bill.
    Don't you feel it? The sensation that the country cannot continue to careen down this ultraviolent, antihumanitarian path much longer without implosion and desperation and a massive increase in sedative prescriptions for anyone with an even slightly intuitive sense of justice and future and long hot sighs of hope? You're not alone.
    The Bush administration is quite possibly the most economically destructive, environmentally devastating, ethically corrupt, internationally loathed, deliberately tyrannical, worst-dressed administration in American history.
    This is the new rallying cry. If you care at all about the soul of this country, if you care at all about women's rights and gay rights and true spiritual freedom and the environment and our international standing, if you care at all about actually reducing the anti-U.S. hatred in the world, as opposed to amplifying it a thousandfold, then oh my god yes, this election matters.
    This is not the way the world's greatest superpower is supposed to behave, this bitter metallic taste that leaps into my mouth whenever I see a picture of BushCo isn't really supposed to be there, the vice president isn't supposed to make children cry and flowers wilt and the gods recoil in disgust.

    And the president isn't supposed to mangle the language and induce multiple wars and invite international derision and make so many millions of us ashamed to be Americans. It's time for a serious change. This is how you know.

How many times can people say it? How much money do rich people really stand to lose from Bush? Do white people in Kansas really fear the rest of America that much that they would stand to vote for all they know somewhere is very wrong? What backwards ass fuckers would continue to think this man is viable as leader of the "free" world. Oh God...he is leader of the free world. That's fucking twisted as hell considering no country is becomming vastly less free than our own. Who's with me to buy a few hundred acres in Zimbabwe and live out our lives with a fiefdom of wives and children as we reap and sow the land til we get old?

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Pitchdick Media and Other Snobs
Now I am rather contemptuous when it comes to my music. I'm not cool enough, nor do I plan on spending enough time to gather, review, drive to an assclown dive bar, and then fall in love with obscure bands anymore. I buy cd's recommended by my friends who have strong musical ties and have respect for authenticity. I say I am rather contemptuous but as of late I have come to the realization that music is no cooler or self-righteous than any other medium.

If you like horror movies, then you like horror movie. If you like reading Clive Cussler then so be it. If you think Monet was the greatest painter ever and you can only name "The Japanese Bridge" and mistakingly call it "Liilypads", good for you. Music is there for enjoyment.

If listening to Brittany Spears or Oasis brings you closer to a smile than that is empowering. If you put your arm around your friend while singing "Walk This Way" then man I'm happy for you. At least you have the ability to enjoy. I really think we should start with just enjoying something. The whole world is filled with enough second guessing and self-confidence issues that when you actually do like something it would be nice if some fuck nose with a cool t-shirt and today's modern urban hair style isn't standing around the corner shaking is head at you.

The critics, and oh how many there are, take all the fun out of music. I have done so much bad mouthing about bands that I look back now and cringe at how many times I have said, "Oh this is awful. Change it." Critics suck. It derives from the word to criticize giving it a negative connotation right out of the box. Anyway, I just went over to pitchfork media and read about 5 reviews. Although they are well worded with every analgoy, euphamism, and scholarly pop lingo that they could drudge off the bottle caps of their beer, they don't really seem to grasp that people like different things and that always crushing an artist may be just rediculous.

I assume critics have a strong foundation for the industry, but do they really have enough insight to a particular piece of work to compare it to a steaming bag of shit? Were they in the studio? Did they make particular recommendation to the "worst song ever made" that were shot down and then released much to their chagrin?

I'll always be some sort of music snob. I'll always want my art to be honest and truthful. If it can't be either of those then clever will suffice just fine. But, I think my days of assuming that people are smart enough to judge their own artistic outlets with the same way they judge their fruit are almost over. People don't care about what they listen to, what they watch in the movies or on TV. They at best, the vast majority, give a moderately ill-willed attempt to choose a radiostation much less follow a producer that is a visionary. Benality is easy to accept. As long as people are smiling and dancing in the streets in front of the TRL building, feel free to be happy for their happiness. It's just you and I will have a silent smirk on the inside, while they bop to some new plastic teen pop idol with oversized 15 year old breasts. Be a critic for yourself but let the people have their moment.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

First Record Bought: Counting Crows (August and Everything After)
First Concert: Jackson Browne (Pier Six Pavilion 1986)
First Concert Tix Purchased: Oasis (GMU 1998)
Favorite Music Movie: Radiohead (Meeting People is Easy)
Favorite Music Book: Chasin' The Trane
Favorite Songwriter (top 3): Jackson Browne, Jeff Tweedy, Ryan Adams
Favorite Producer: Nigel Godrich
Favorite Record Label: Sony-BMG-Warner-EMI-Universal. Is there another?
Favorite Music Sourcs Friends and Blogs
Favorite Guitar (top 3): Andy Dunlop, Lee Greenwood, Jack White
Favorite Bassist: Andy Bell
Favorite Music Visionary: Flaming Lips
Favorite Band No One Ever Gave a Chance to: The Doves
I was there first: The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, Coldplay, Travis
Favorite Album Cover: Definitely Maybe (Oasis)
Artist Who Broke Your Heart: Richard Aschcroft
Artist You Will Always Believe In: Noel Gallagher
Singer Who Makes Your Skin Crawl: Damon Alburn
Singer Who Makes You Swoon: Toko Yasuda (Enon), Kimya Dawson
Favorite Sound: Deep, twangy, tremoloed guitar.
Album You Will Always Defend: Be Here Now (Oasis)
Album You Own That No One Else Does: Slobberbone
Classic Album You Own but Don't Like: Tommy by The Who
Artist You're Supposed to Like but Don't: Red Hot Chili Peppers
Song You Can't Stand by an Artist You Like: Wonderwall (Oasis)
Band That Should Break Up: Counting Crows
Band That Should Re-form: Black Crowes
Band That Broke Up Too Soon: Velvet Underground
Band That Broke Up and became Undeserved Legends: The Doors
Favorite Concert Moment: *Tie ~ Getting into a fight with the guy from The Eels and Having the Spotlight on our British Flag during Don't Look back In Anger
Guilty Pleasure: Trendy Pop Albums found on the Indie list in the back of rollingstone
Concert You Wish You'd Seen: Oh Jesus...Coachella this year for startes I guess
Dream Collaboration: MTv and a wood chipper. And by "and", of course, I mean "in".

M16's and things
Well, you've seen it on the news and yeah it's that weird. I'm working on Wall St. this week, and yes there are no less than 20 guys with automatic weapons resting in their arms as I walk to work. Needless to say I got more than a few glances carrying a suitcase and a laptop case into work prior to me checking into the hotel. People around here seem to like the added security. I have heard "Well if you would have been here on 9-11, you would want it." I don't really have an opinion other than shame and hopelessness.

I'm ashamed of what was once a great idea, and how it has become a state of fear and pointless dreams of freedom. Yes, I can drive from state. Yes, I can choose my craft. Yes, I can still do most things that are deemed sociably acceptable. BUt am I free, well shit that's just a stupid question. It all seems so hopeless for the future. We pay close to 50% of our income to taxes and still we have horrible public education, no free health care, no free college, and polution, drugs, crime, homeless etc...issues rampant throughout the country.

It points me to the idea that maybe this country isn't for me. Maybe, Thailand or Laos or Korea are viable answers. If I'm going to live in an illusion I would at least like to choose which venue I want to sit in while I partake.

It seems with this coming election and the coming years that there will always be an imaginary war somewhere being fought against ghosts in the illusion of our self-interst. It seems as though our lives will one day become tracable, predictable, and caged.

Bear Vs. Shark
This isn't too bad. It gets a little hard, but it's the kind fo hard that's emotional over the same soft beats. It's sort of in the same vain as Incubus but with soul, talent, and non-mainstream vision. It's pretty good. Check out Large Hearted Boy for some links to their stuff.

Monday, August 09, 2004

DVD Free
I have a new laptop from work and it is regoin free DVD. That's so awesome! I can watch all my Korean movies now. For those who don't know, to stop piracy people put shitty ass little regions on DVD's that are split up into regions. So if a movie is not wildly popular or not in your region you may never go to see it. How crapp is that? Because trust me there are some kick ass flicks in other countries that we should be watching....

Damien Rice
This "O" album is really friggin good. I recommend Blowers Daughter, and Volcano. I think Volcano was in a movie. Let me know if you know which one.

I'm in NYC for the week again. I also won't be hanging out with anyone up here until I'm finished, sorry but that's the way it's gotta be for this week. I won't be writing much, I don't think, unless it's at night. Have a great week and wish me luck. I need to have a good week at work here.

Friday, August 06, 2004

I can't look you in the face. I'm ashamed. I love the idea of you too much. I want to keep you there as a mystery. I don't want you any other way. I want you perfect and dead. I want you to live that way always. Stay away....

Thursday, August 05, 2004

My Pirate Name

Iron Tom Roberts

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you are that person. Two things complete your pirate persona: style and swagger. Maybe a little too much swagger sometimes -- but who really cares? Arr!

Check your gay ass Pirate Name here.

Videos for you
Good little link full of more links to videos that you may nevever get to see. Trust me you'll see some stuff on there that you will want to check out...

Franz, Flaming Lips, No Twist (fuck off's No TWIST), New Pornographers, Modest Mouse, Four Tet, ENON!!!!!, Death in Vegas, Can, GBV,...etc...

Just shit you never really get to see...

The Village: A Layman's Review
Well I went to see it last night. I went to see it at the recommendation of Timothious and the conversations that could ensue based solely upon having it on my "watched" resume. I have mixed feelings about the movie. First and foremost, as an entertainment value movie that was supposed to be somewhat of a thriller, mystery, horror kind of thing...well it absolutely sucked eggs. But watching made you realize that wasn't what it was about. It couldn't be about entertainment because it was so fucking bad in that regard that there is no one on earth that is dumb enough to feel as though that this is the appealing factor in their movie.

So what was the movie about, to me anyway? It was about many things. I saw a eutopic society set away and protected from the world by rules and boundaries and legends. This theme has been shown throughout countless movies but never with this extreme twist. I like what Tim said about our lives revolving around stories. Of course he has a whole bunch of added weight to that theory but definitely think it has justification and merit in explaining a lot of reasons for our existance. This story/legend theory holds true and is the only glue that holds this movie together. Without the myths of "Those we do not speak of" (and by the way they speak of them an awful lot for them not to have fucking names) the people of the town would be free to explore the boundaries of the woods, possibly one day finding the fence, hopping over it and being run over by a fucking Land Cruiser. The idea of hiding the past and poisoning minds for the future was also prevalent. William Hurt becomes both the wizard and the witch in this movie while Oz/home is just a hop, skip, and a ditch away.

I wish I would have been able to take it more seriously, but when the plot started to run away and expectations of anything exciting were now obviously not going to be met, I sort of just decided to make fun of the fucker and focus on my dwindling amount of Sprite. It's an easy movie to hate, but it's a movie deserving of a shot. It may resonate with certain people. I think it about half resonated with me, as I found it rather serene and beautiful, but man..sometimes I just want to be entertained and this wasn't it.

I thought the imagery and consistency of color were spot on. I enjoyed most of the acting and think Opie's little girl did a kick ass job, and the return of Brody was..well...not much, other than the rocking chair-blood scene. Sigourney Weaver was awful and completely not memorable. Old Pheonix was OK, especially in the beginning all the way up to the resting rock scene, but when he sort of falls in love it gets rather boring.

One side note that I'd be interested in pursuing is the idea of the fool as the reason and the answer. The Village Idiot was the only one not afraid of the false monsters and eventually became one himself resulting in his own death. I thought that was probably the most interesting sub-plot underlying theme in the movie.

There's a great deal of symbolism, metaphors, and imagery that you can take away from this. As you can now with any movie lover movie maker. They seem to borrow from every movie they have ever seen or any book they ever read. They take all the ideas of man vs. man and man vs. nature and society in pure form based on current Gov't agendas...blah blah blah...they take these theories and then they give them a good twist at the end like they had always hoped for when they were kids. He did this. It was partially interesting but just like a Hitchcock thriller you could have known that was coming a mile away.

***Anyway - a few jokes for you from throughout the movie -
  • When the "elders" revealed their secret, my hands immediately became fake claws accompanied by a muffled moan of terror for the rest of the movie. Chuckles inherently ensued.
  • Upon learning that one of the "elders" had gone a little mad and started skinning the animals, I imitated William Hurt saying in confidence to another "elder",
      "Jesus Christ Larry stop killing all the fucking chickens. Now you're getting out of control and you are gonna need to calm down. We'll be eating broccoli for a month you sick bastard."

  • I also imagined the "elders" going back to the shed taking off their masks and arguing over who gets the last pack of cigarettes still left over from their mainland voyage years ago.
  • The magic rocks just ensued serious fucking laughter.
  • Imagine old Phoenix would have rocked one of the monsters in the grill.
      "What the Fuck Lucious?"
      "Oh Jesus Mr. Walker I had no idea"
      "I think you broke my fucking nose. That's it we're going back to Philly. This just ain't working out."

    Overall, I'll never see it again unless someone enthusiastically wants to explain why they thought it was amazing.

  • Wednesday, August 04, 2004

    New Baltimore Hotness
    First off Enon is returning to Baltimore. Doug saddle up! Secondly they are playing here. 223 Pearl Street. Here's the description.

      The SI Space is NOT a club. It is a private residence. We kindly ask that you be considerate of the furniture, animals, art, and people inside. We do NOT sell tickets in advance. Bands ask for a donation to cover their expenses.
    Did you know?

    Ronstadt Gets Bounced From Hotel Gig
    I haven't seen F/911. I doubt I will until video and even then all I want to see is more assanine interviews. The Bowling for Columbine movie seemed contrived and forced. Roger and Me was cool but all of his stuff is cut to make even the nice Grocer down the street to look like a bumbling Hitler. And despite what most people think, not all Republicans are awful. Michael Moore is trying to sell movies. He twists a lot of things to suit his own agenda. All that aside, I love the idea of his work and find it revitalizing and feel as though it will start spawning "Reality Issue Movies". I think that would be really important.

    Linda Ronstadt a famous country singer was kicked off the stage in Vegas for dedicating a song to Michael Moore. She dedicated Desperado by the Eagles to him, and then her contract was revoked. Now, some people are in an uproar about the 1st ammendment. I think she signed a contract, the hotel feels as though that contract was voided when she decided to jeopardize the appeal of the show by making it slightly controversial and hence it was in their interest to shut it down. I agree with the Hotel's perogative to give her her walking papers. It's the same as if she would have come out and said anything that didn't appeal to the Hotel.

    "What's up with all you honkey mother fuckers out there. Suck my ass!"

    Yeah she's gone for that one...

    I wondered if they would have cared is she would have dedicated a song to GWB. Probably not, but I guarantee more people in the audience would have been pissed about her singing, "Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy..." to old fuck face, then her singing it to old bearded, fat, fuck face. At least I would of...

    It was in the hotels best interest to get rid of her. Just like it will be in Robert Earl's interest, the CEO of Planet Hollywood, to book a duet of the Rondstadt and Moore singing God Bless America.

    Indeed, God Bless America. God Bless contrived movies made by seemingly honest people. God Bless country music. And God Bless Vegas.

    Monday, August 02, 2004

    Dress your Cats in Khaki and Moleskin
    David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim was a pretty decent little book. I liked all the little stories. I seem to enjoy literature more when it isn't pop-culture, self-psychosis, weird gay paranoia analogies but this was good and really dripping with nice gay sattire and daggers of wit. Especially Santa and the 6 - 8 Black Men. That shit was hilarious, you'll laugh your balls off. I blew through this book in a day and would recommend it.

    It does play up being gay a good bit, which I can understand because being gay has to be really difficult and it's a reality that you have to face everyday in addition to normal shit that people have to do deal with. But, unfortunately, me being straight, I don't relly want it thrown in my face repeatedly while I'm reading for entertainment. But, then again maybe that's the whole idea.

    Cheers Mr. Sedaris, I'll be reading Me Talk Pretty One Day next. You got me.

    Favorites List
    Pandora Song List
    Amazon Wish List
    Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
    Brian Jones

    Things Making Me Smile
    The City
    Listening - [out of 5]
    Benjy Ferree - 4.8
    The Thermals 3.1
    David Gray 3.8

    Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

    Bands That I Check Schedules For
    Badly Drawn Boy
    Belle and Sebastian
    Benjy Ferree
    The Black Keys
    Drive By Truckers
    The Eels
    Kimya Dawson
    Mark Hopkins Band
    Iron and Wine
    Mates of State
    Ted Leo
    Two if By Sea

    Places I Rock in the Flesh
    9:30 Club
    Black Cat
    Electric Factory
    The Knitting Factory
    The Otto Bar
    Recher Theatre

    Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
    Bishop's Collar
    Cross Street Market
    Hull Street
    Joun Gak
    Mick O'Shea's
    No Way Jose
    The Irish Pub
    The Waterfront Hotel

    My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

    The time I almost killed a child
    July 4th in Korea
    Excerpts from Demian
    Why I screen phone calls
    Bret's Death Metal Report
    A conversation at a cocktail party
    A conversation at breakfast
    So you think you are a Baltimorian
    A conversation about a girl singer
    Observations from a bar
    Observations of strippers
    Tech Language
    Why I love Oasis
    I would go to war
    "You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
    Dance to Your Ocean
    Dream Ranch
    When men become pussies
    Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
    Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
    The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
    The Hatred that is Runts Candy
    Starting corporate line-up
    Google Bio
    Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
    The Night I Burned Philly Down
    So You Want to be a Booze Hound
    She Said it was Free
    Funniest Corporate Story Ever
    Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
    Death Peddle
    Pieces of Morning
    Oasis Album Revew
    The Art of Tipping
    Starting Fires With Grass Stains
    Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
    Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
    Stupid Secrets
    Stupid Secrets the Return

    Contact Me

    Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

    - MUSIC
    Indie Video Archive
    Large Hearted Boy
    Important Records
    Oasis News
    Pitch Fork Media
    Reptilian Records
    Scenestars MP3 Blogs
    Sound Garden Baltimore

    - BUY
    Shotgun Apparel
    Warrior Clothing

    - HUMOR
    Angry Little Girls
    Atom Films
    Eye Envision
    Homestar Runner
    Kill Frog
    Junior Varsity Meat Market

    Baltimore City Paper
    The Baltimore Sun
    Calvert Hall
    Degroen's Brewers
    ESL Cafe
    Fantasy Sports
    Korean Herald
    Villa Julie College Baseball
    W3 Schools

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