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I Kan't Spell



Friday, October 29, 2004

 
A "Bad" Song I Love

"Shooting Star" by Bad Company is an extremely guilty pleasure of mine.

"Don't you know that you are a shooting star"
"Johnny died one night. He died in his bed ; bottle of whiskey and sleeping tablets in his hand"
"If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play."

3:14 when lyrics stop - - -

....and then 3 minutes of whooaoaoaoaoaoao whoaoaoaooaooaooaoao don't you don't you don't you don't you know....nah nah nah nah...nah nah nah nah....whew whew!!

6 MINUTES OF FURY!!!

 
Little Nuggets that Look Like Girls

Sitting on my own eating gravel nuggets of anything that would be considered warm and moist. I eat them up one at a time. I slowly look at each one without much idea of what their description might entail. I.e. I have no idea what I'm looking at, and still I have the desire and the want to eat them and taste them. I want them inside of me. I want them to be a part of my life and to swim around in me hopefully wanting to do something wonderful to me. Maybe there's a eutopic arena of little baubles that I have picked up and eaten over the years. They are all inside of me and are fortifying theories on how to do something glorious. What glorious thing? Who knows? Who cares really?

I was sitting there on my own as usual. My hands were on my hand rubbing my brow because it feels good. It' feel like stretching the plastic off a brand new received package. It feels like my head is being relieved and cleaned of everything that it has to deal with. I rub and look and rub and look. There is no bottle of booze or drag of smoke that will take anything away from the thought of her. That burning thought that can be so wonderful and somehow confusing. All women are confusing. All women are trouble. All women are work. That's what makes them beautiful. That's what makes you eat gravel nuggets and that's what makes you want to not know really know what you are eating. They are them.

 
Randoms on Music - - - via launch.com whilst I do XML stuff

  • MAN!!! What a way to start - Launch.com jumps out and start playing FUCKING LET IT BLEED. This is by far the greatest Stones song ever made. Well maybe not but I love it more than any other. It's my Stones anthem. "She said that my breasts will always be open. You can rest your weary head right on me. And there will always be a space in my parking lot; when you need a little coke and sympathy." Ahh...the Stone...like a fine lover. Keith wrote that, because Keith wrote all the good ones.
  • Wolf Notes - Fiery Furnaces - Hmm...I don't know...these guys sounds like ass half the time.
  • Columbia - Oasis - Fierce man! Fucking fierce. Turn it up real loud and stand back. It makes me wish I had an electric guitar.
  • Before I Break - Uncle Topelo - I never really gave them a try the same way I never gave GBV a try. But, the more I listen to their music that isn't live the more I like their stuff. I have no idea why people like loud hill billy rock but I prefer it when it's on wax and quiet and as beautiful as it should be.
  • World on a String - Neil Young - Oh yeah, this is one of the best Neil Young songs ever. Nobody ever knows it but they always recognize it.
  • Obstacle 1 - Interpol - I haven't heard the new album but I hear its fantastic. This album "Obstacle" is overly fantastic and superbly put together.
  • Magdalena - David Gray - This album "Sell, Sell, Sell" is really above average. It has 6 or 7 tracks on their that you can dance around in your underwear to. Magdalena is one of those.
  • OH! YES! Sloberbone - Josephine - I broke my Slobberbone CD a few months ago and I haven't gotten over it.
  • UH OH! Pink Moon - Nick Drake - I really like launch.com some days. They just seem to read my mind. This might be theonly CD I have always wanted that I don't have. But I think I would want the record.
  • People who don't like Cake (the band) need to reevaluate themselves.
  • Cannonball - Damien Rice - You may have not heard me the frist time around. DOWNLOAD THE FIRST 4 SONGS OFF THIS ALBUM! NOW!!!

  •  
    Speeches

    I came across this great link containing 100 American classic speeches. It has everything from Malcolm X to Geraldine Ferraro most of them with mp3 downloads.

    Enjoy.



    Thursday, October 28, 2004

     
    New Music / New Venue
    Tow Cow Carage = Seven Mary Three and Thee Drive by Truckers with some Guided by Voices. It's really good and playing locally on in November. Where you ask?

    Well my people's at the city paper of Baltimore let me into this new joint, well not real new, but I've never been there so it's new to me. It's called the Mojo Room and apparently it's much like The Royal only it looks cool instead of like a big hole. And hopefully it doesn't suck like the Royal does. Because The Royal can't keep any real clientel from cancelling because they have no way of selling tix in advance and no reputation so everyone I have wanted to see play there cancels.

    Anyway - - -

    Everyone has been talking about this new Ted Leo and the Pharmacists disc and umm - - - man - - - it may be the best thing you will hear this year. Yep it's exactly what you need right now trust me. After the Wilco let down and the lack of anything other than umm - - - yeah I can't even think of the last album i thought was awesomer than awesome - - - oh wait I thought Franz Ferdinand was pretty good and a nice breath of fresh air but that didn't last long. Oh wait Iron and Wine. Yeah that's a good one. Anyway....

     
    Feeling Alive for 1:15

    Hard pounding harder as my heart leaps to see another burning moment in another bursting thought. My heart learns to burst on time and it becomes motionless when it has nothing to look to the stars for. It becomes buried in its blood and valve when nothing is there to kill it or save it. I lend my own hand to it and relieve its boredom. I empty all in front of the levy. I stand in 3 feet of water, sunken, motionless and timeless looking for a heart to hunt and an explosion to quell.

    The mud and eel creep into the crotch of my pants as the grit becomes almost too much to bear as I move and twist in the hurricane made pond. As I turn and twist with my pulse growing harder. Turning. Twisting. Crying. Burning. All at the same time as I fruitlessly and frantically twist and turn to alleviate the threat to my self. I turn and shovel and move and twist. All the time my heart is looking out over the side of the levy for that burst. It's looking out from me. It's out from my autonomous motions. It's out and wanting to beat and run hard down the side of the levy to the point where the clay walk is cracking. It wants to jump into the other side and swim out to the eye where there are other hearts doing a backstroke, and you will find the occasionally beat.

    I climb out over the wall. I shake the grease mud from my hair and legs. I wash the oil from my face. There is a rope inside my body that has been punched there by my heart. It has been pulling me towards the beating of another. It has wanted me to explode in front of her and lay there on the ground beating and martyred. To be put on a picture as though a chain, like Guadalupe and Mary. To be hung from her mirror and broken from my neck.

    My heart pounds out the words "What do you want me to do?" It sounds them up through my throat and places them on the ears of something that will never respond. Beat on.



    Wednesday, October 27, 2004

     
    Nation - Umm - Undercutting

    Also from Green Hills of Africa

      You see, during the war they (British) sent the Indian troops to fight here (Uganda). To keep them out of India because they feared another mutiny. They promised the Aga Khan that because they fought in Africa, Indians could come freely to settle and form business afterwards. They cannot break that promise and now the Indians have taken the country over from the Europeans. They live on nothing and they send all the money back to India. When they have made enough to go home they leave, bringing out their poor relations to take over from them and continue to exploit the country.

     
    Hemingway - Green Hills of Africa
    As I walk home from work in the afternoons I read. I usually read white papers from work or magazines that I don't have time to catch up on, or even, rather clumsily, the city paper. But once a month I'll knock out a book. This month I looked down at my Hemingway collection and realized I had only really read about 5 of the 12. So I picked up Green Hills of Africa. For the first time in my life, as I was walking I had to sit down and take a break because what I was reading moved me that much. And it wasn't that it was groundbreaking or even that well written it was just something to spoke directly to me. The same way a sad song in a car radio would speak to someone who just lost his girlfriend. Maybe it dejavu. Maybe it was a strange mix of honestly and remember what I had once said but that it was now backed up by Hemingway made it seem all the more powerful.

    Some quotes from that part of the book -
      Some writers are only born to help another writer to write one sentence.

      Writers should work alone. They should see each other only after their work is done, and not too often then. Otherwise they become like writers in New York. All angleworms in a bottle, trying to derive knowledge and nourishment from their own contact and from the bottle. Sometimes the bottle is shaped art, sometimes economics, sometimes economic-religion. But once they are in the bottle they stay there. They are lonesome outside of the bottle. They do not want to be lonesome. They are afraid to be alone in their beliefs and no woman would love any of them enough so that they could kill their lonesomeness in that woman, or pool it with hers, or make something with her that makes the rest unimportant.

      We destroy them in many ways. First, economically. They make money. It is only by hazard that a writer makes money although good books always make money eventually. Then our writers when they have made some money increase their standard of living and they are caught. They have to write to keep up their establishments, their wives, and so on, and they write slop. It is slop not on purpose but because it is hurried. Because they write when there is nothing to say or no water in the well. Because they are ambitious. Then, once they have betrayed themselves, they justify it and you get more slop. Or else they read the critics. If they believe the critics when they say they are great then they must believe them when they say they are rotten and they lose confidence. At present we have two good writers who cannot write because they have lost confidence through reading critics. If they wrote, sometimes it would be good and sometimes not so good and sometimes it would be quite bad, but the good would get out. But they have read the critics and they must write masterpieces. The masterpieces the critics said they wrote. They weren't masterpieces, of course. They were just quite good books. So now they cannot write at all. The critics have made them impotent.


    After I got done reading these and sort of catching myself I realized that they weren't very groundbreaking and that, quite perhaps, they were poking fun at someone just like me. Someone who, would have the laziness to copy and hunt for something that has already been written and put it somewhere where others could feed off it. Either way I feel as though I learned some sort of lesson.

      "The reason every one now tries to avoid it, to deny that it is important, to make it seem vain to try to do it, is because it is so difficult. Too many factors must combine to make it possible."

      "What is this now?"

      "The kind of writing that can be done. How far prose can be carried if any one is serious enough and has luck. There is a fourth and fifth dimension that can be gotten."

      "You believe it?"

      "I know it."

      "And if a writer can get this?"

      "Then nothing else matters. It is more important than anything he can do. The chances are, of course, that he will fail. But there is a chance that he succeeds."

      "But that is poetry you are talking about."

      "No. It is much more difficult than poetry. It is a prose that has never been written. But it can be written, without tricks and without cheating. With nothing that will go bad afterwards."

      "And why has it not been written?"

      "Because there are too many factors. First, there must be talent, much talent. Talent such as Kipling had. Then there must be discipline. The discipline of Flaubert. Then there must be the conception of what it can be and an absolute conscience as unchanging as the standard meter in Paris, to prevent faking. Then the writer must be intelligent and disinterested and above all he must survive. Try to get all these in one person and have him come through all the influences that press on a writer. The hardest thing, because time is so short, is for him to survive and get his work done. But I would like us to have such a writer and to read what he would write. What do you say? Should we talk about something else?"



    Tuesday, October 26, 2004

     
    I liked these

    Here are some cute little saying from (gapingvoid) - - -

      The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose with great care.
    i don't really think I'm either of those. I'd like to think I'm more of a rabbit that's really anti-herd.

      It's all about thriving in markets that are smarter and faster than you are. It's all about being utterly fucked if you don't know what I'm talking about.
    I sort of understand that but it doesn't affect me in any way. Us drones don't need to understand markets we just need to half-ass master a skill that makes sure we can eat and buy designer cologne.

      You are only as good as the love you have for other people.
    Ehh...I like this because it's sort of warm and sappy but to be honest, I don't think most people that are "good" (=rich, powerful, etc..) give two flying fucks about love. It's more about the rockets that got them into space rather than love for it.

      The saddest thing in the world is realizing the person you are talking to is far more alive than you will ever be.
    Yeah this usually troubles me a damn good bit. I can't stand when I am not the center of debate, attention, or analyzing. If I have to actually become involved in someone else's life I sort of fall apart, unless i dont really respect them that much, then I'll give them as much horse-shit advice as I can dish out. People that are smarter than me, unless they are really friendly and kind and make an overt attempt to bring me into the conversation, usually cause my head to buzz and my feet to start walking swiftly away.



    Monday, October 25, 2004

     
    Garden State Soundtrack

    Now, I'm not usually all about soundtracks, unless the dust brothers are putting somethign together, but this thing looks incredible. It has Remy Zero on there...I swear they've been in a ton of movies because of just a few of their songs. But, the topping on this cake, and you know what I'm looking at too...is Iron and Wine singing Such Great Heights (Postal Service). Oh man - that's worth it right there...

    1. Don't Panic - Coldplay
    2. Caring Is Creepy - The Shins
    3. In The Waiting Line - Zero 7
    4. New Slang - The Shins
    5. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You - Colin Hay
    6. Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
    7. Fair - Remy Zero
    8. One Of These Things First - Nick Drake
    9. Lebanese Blonde - Thievery Corporation
    10. The Only Living Boy In New York - Simon & Garfunkel
    11. Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine
    12. Let Go - Frou Frou
    13. Winding Road - Bonnie Somerville

    Oh by they way I got the Mates of State record at their show and man is it fucking fantastic. The show was ok. We got kinda drunk - well not me really - eh hem - Jas' friend Carina (and that's totally spelled wrong) even bought their cd. I was shocked. Wait until I take her to go see the Fiery Furnaces on Friday. Oh man...she'll be freaked out. Chris Michaels alone freaks me out and I even like them. Mates of State would be so much better if they weren't so - umm - rather uncoordinated I guess. When you have a band that does weird drum loops and strange backing vocals on every song and then they try to do it live...sometimes it just doesn't work out...



     
    Mother's at 7:30 after a Ravens Game

    And the poor have rights. They have the right to be less and know less. They have the right to pursue that endeavor of ignorance blindly. They should not be cursed with the knowledge of anything.

    I stood and watched them swill in their own filth. I stood and watched them drink away their sight. I stood there and wept. All I could think of was how they gambled without knowing the game. They entered into a contest that was rigged with chicken wire and they kept betting over and over again. They were all blind betting into a hole.

    All I wanted to do was touch their heads as though I was baptizing them. I just wanted to lay them down and say that I could make them satisfied in everything they do. I could make wishes come alive for them. I cried inside as I watched the poor dance and slop.

    I watched the ritual matriculation and imagined they were peasants in the 14th century gathered around a cow or a bull awaiting the slaughter or the uncovering of the rose wreath or the may pole. I watched and saw little difference.

    I looked down and saw the slop on my pants. I could not lay oils unto myself. I could not cure anyone until I myself was blessed with the ability to move on and change.

    I'll send myself a postcard some day. I'll send it from some place for away where I can see where I am and where I have been. It will be quite a nice paradox. I may still yet be free of all things that I don't understand. I still may be able to go blind and not suffer. I pray for that kind of death. I pray for that kind of weakness. I long for truth in me that can let me go blind and join in the mud and drink down my life without caring and without knowledge.

     
    Weddings and Such

    I don't think I have congratulated the 2 people who have been married this year on this little forum.

    Paul and Gina Zuk were married on June 13th.
    Jeremy and Jennifer Brody were married on October 10th.

    Cheers to both.

    I'm not a huge wedding proponent but I can see the comfort in being married. Anyway, that's another conversation for another time.

    Also Blake Ulam proposed to his girlfriend on Friday evening and she accepted. It was actually really nice to hear from Blake. Here it is Saturday evening, I'm at Sliders waiting for my food and watching the game and I get a phone call from an unknown (well no name attached to it) number. I usually fear answering these calls in light of strange of people. But, I answered and it was Blake. I haven't talked to Blake since March and here her is calling me to tell me that he just got engaged. It was a really nice feeling to be remembered as part of someone's life when they want to share good news. Anyway, congratulations to all three couples.



    Saturday, October 23, 2004

     
    Water Soup Turn On Off Same

    hurt honest which catch imagine finding ten? themselves nothing blew dreadful.
    study nature master appreciate felt grade criticize both winter, meant
    restaurant area responsible more with dinner many shut.
    laughed excite tough brown some. parents paper anybody out middle write only
    spot land. countries slowly the something wear set,
    nay look went eleven handwriting. light often giving fascinate pay single
    practical therefore single shame! have however deep principal i achieve wood
    warm want by.



    Friday, October 22, 2004

     
    Mates of State

    This is easily my favorite song of theirs - they sound like The Sounds and Enon got together. It's really really good....you can get the video from their website - the lead singer gets down to her underroos so that's kinda cute -

    I can't tell what kind of life I've led today
    All that's known is what's debatable again
    Oh, I can't see where you are
    Where is the problem?
    Squared-off, all bother
    We're not to blame
    And I can't see the darker wood
    Squared-off, all bother
    Where is the problem?
    We're not to blame
    I can't tell what kind of life I've led today
    All that's known is what's debatable again
    And I imagine I will see you there
    You will have long flowers in your hair
    I imagine I will see you there
    This is the blood that we're made of
    So tell it like a chronicle
    Who's dancing all around?
    Let's give it to me, give it to me now
    We're dancing all around
    Let's give it to me, give it to me now
    And I imagine I will see you there
    You will have long flowers in your hair
    The telegram said: are you gonna call our way home?
    I imagine I will see you there
    Can't you hear the laughter in the air?
    The telegram said: are you gonna call our way home?
    And I imagine I will see you there
    I know it's stout but it's shallow
    I'm not aware
    The telegram said: who rejuvenated your eyes, boy?
    This is the blood that we're made of
    Go tell it like a chronicle
    Who's dancing all around?
    Let's give it to me, give it to me now
    We're dancing all around
    Let's give it to me, give it to me now
    This is the blood that we're made of
    Go tell it like a chronicle
    We're dancing all around
    Let's give it to me, give it to me now


    It's a really really good song - it'll make you smile and do that 80's hair toss kind of dance. 80's are coming back fierce - just in time - you see my theory is that there was just too much cocain and people didn't really know how to use the instruments back then and punk rock was still all about guitars. But now, I'm seeing more underground music using 4 and 5 piece sets with the keyboard and synth being the main attraction and now they know how to use these instruments to do cooler shit and make it sounds more edgy but at the same time really pop...ahh...it's gonna be a good show tonight...

    UPDATE - they aren't the closing act - oh man that means I only get 6 songs. Suck ass!

     
    Conversation

    A:I love our lives
    B:Ehh I guess so. I mean I think we just see things different than other people. I mean I'd like to think we do. But what the hell do I know?
    A:No, it's because we're alive.
    B:Maybe we are just familiar with our own selves enough to realize we are alive. And maybe we are ignorant to the patterns of others and they are actually more alive than we are but we just can't see it because we are so self-centric.
    A:It's because other people suck.
    B:Yeah
    A:Hmm
    B:Yeah man. I mean, think about it. Everyone that you get to know whether it be Steve the junkie homeless guy or Steve the rich lawyer guy. If you get to know them and they aren't abrassive to your own personality style then you get to appreciate them. And eventually if you spend enough time with someone you learn to love them. It's human nature. It's our cosmic genetic bond.
    A:Hmm
    B:Yeah
    - - - - -
    B:I don't know. I mean I'd like to think I'm different. I'd like to think I'm special. But, I think thoughts like that get me into trouble. But, then again. What is trouble really? Trouble, for the most part, as long as you are strong, can be a good thing. I think people envy trouble. I envy trouble. I want to be in situation where I feel alive. In this day and age, that's usually classified as trouble I guess.
    A:I think people envy what they can't do.
    B:There you go.
    B:I think they envy what they want to do as animals but they don't understand, know how, or have the balls to do. I think deep down they want to do those things but mocking and judging is easier because they know they will find followers and head nodders around them. You see if that were me and I saw someone doing "trouble" I would stand there and enjoy it for everything that it is. It would be beautiful.
    - - - -
    B: You know, all I want to do is love her.
    A: And...
    B: She's not gonna let me.
    A: I need a girlfriend.
    B: Yeah - there should be a store. Like with descriptions and price tags. That way things would be much easier. Because, I mean, as long as you are nice and respectful to a girl and you don't get outside competition form another male, you will more than likely win her heart. They key is being in her bracket.
    B: I love her.
    A: Yeah, I know.
    B: This is gonna suck, but hey, I said I wanted trouble...adversity makes you stronger and the right woman makes you great. How can I lose?

     
    Dreams

    I keep having these really strange dreams where all I am doing is moving in slow motion. I also have these dreams where the things that I know, that no one else knows are now very very popular.

    The slow motion thing is kind of the weirdest because I'm almost awake when I am dreaming it. For example: I had this dream where I was probably 17 again and all my cousins or little kids or someone who I felt sort of attached to were at my house. Apparently I told them that I was really drunk and that I couldn't go outside and play football. Eventually I tried to and I kept falling down and wobbling and not being able to keep my eyes open. And then in the middle of that we were on a dock somewhere and all these valuable things kept falling out of my pockets and I was moving in such slow motion that I couldn't stop them from sinking into the ocean and I lost everything. It was really a disturbing dream.

    Then I also keep having these dreams where everything I love and hold dear is now loved and held dear by everyone else and I know longer matter to my intimate objects. I am just a folded in piece of background and I am forced to go searching again for something new. Then I find myself in a big black cornfield looking at each piece of corn to see if it's something that no one else has seen.

    And the weirdest part is I haven't remembered dreams since I was in Korea. It's been over the past few weeks that I have been having dreams again. Unfortunately these dreams are awful and they wake me up. I don't think I can remember more than a handful of good dreams in my entire life.

     
    Syrup on Shit

    Old fuck face is back on the phone again. I really just want him to get a soar throat and not be able to sit here and say:
    "Awww rwwweaallllyyyy."
    "Aww I love you too baby."
    "Yes, ok, yes, I'll make sure to research the purchase of the new remote."

    He sits here and talks on the phone with this faceless person for 20 minutes. Look, I want to make it clear to this man, somehow, that if you are that strapped for attention and emotion at this stage in your relationship then my man you are fucked. No, I mean, seriously fucked. How long do you think it lasts before you guys stop calling each other and stop. making little baby noises over the phone? Because, if you need that shit now to get through your day, then, eww, ewwwwww, in a couple years you are going to look back and see the shambles of what could have been. Maybe it's not all that exagerated. Maybe it's just me being observant and making theories (feel free to give me my tag line sweety) that I don't understand. I know this though. I know that I hate this man. I hear him every day. I hear him and his partner at 9:15 talking about their plans for the day. I hear him and his partner at 11:30 talking about lunch plans that they don't even have with each other. I hear him and his partner at 4:45 wishing each other a safe trip home and discussing traffic strategies. I hate him. I hate him because of his routine. I hate him because of his complacency to be exactly what he always mocked. It's just a rotten way to start off my day.



    Thursday, October 21, 2004

     
    I love this f^&*&**& song!

    Now I notice the streetlamp's hum
    The ghosts of graffiti they couldn't quite erase
    The blank-faced stares on the subway
    As the people go home
    The parks lay empty like my unmade bed
    The streets are silent like my lifeless telephone
    And this is where I live, but
    I've never felt less at home
    But I'm not unsympathetic
    I see why you left
    There's no one to know
    There's nothing to do
    The city's been dead
    Since you've been gone........!
    Sometimes I stand on my roof at night
    And watch, as something seems to happen somewhere else
    I feel like the breeze will pick me up and carry me away
    Out and over this iridescent grid
    Up and away from the bar fights and neon lights
    Out and away from everything that makes me what I am
    But I'm not unsympathetic
    I see why you left
    There's no one to know
    There's nothing to do
    The city's been dead
    Since you've been gone......!
    Oh I never had just whatever it is you want, baby
    And I really tried, I tried with all my might—it made me crazy
    To try to figure out what it is I've done wrong every time
    When everything I love, everything I hold dear
    Heads out sometime
    And all I ever say now is good-bye.


     
    Baltimore Music

    There are some good shows coming up really soon that I will be attending and "eh hem" Doug will also be attending, even if I have to go to his place of business and burn the fucker down.

  • Travis Morrison comes back to play the Talking Head on Nov. 9th - that's a tuesday.
  • The fiery furnaces play the Ottobar on the 29th - Friday
  • Brandston - this saturday at the talking head
  • 11/19 two if by sea at the talking head -
    and all the time - me using incorrect grammar and sketchy, if not homocidal, capitalization
  • this friday MATES OF STATE at the OTTOBAR - BE THERE OR BE BRET!
  • Deerhoof Saturday November, 6th 2004 at 9 p.m. inside the fabulous Ottobar
  • Mr. Lif's hip hop stylings on November 18th at the Ottobar

    I'll be at at least half of these - feel free to join me -

  •  
    That Guy You Just Want to Hit in the Throat

    The man next to me is on the phone - I can only hear one side of the conversation -
    "Hello"
    "Hi"
    "Yeah"
    "Hi"
    - This time he says it as though he were talking to a 5 year old he doesn't want to speak to. It comes off with an undulating cleft at the end. -

    "Hi"
    "Hi baby"
    "Aww I miss you too."

    - 9:15 a.m.

    "Yeah I knoooooowwwwwww. He is soooooooo funnnnyyyy"
    "Uh huh."
    "Aww baby you should go back to bed."

    - A slight chuckle sounds from his neandrotholic type jaw and his wide spread eyes making him seem as though he were the lowest end of the gene pool had it not been for his height of 6'4". Like newly weds they giggle on for 20 minutes -

    "I'm sorry" -
    "I was worried about you"

    - no more than 5 minutes earlier they were talking about burnable DVD's. What could he be worried about? This man talks with a normal voice to me. His partner gets on the line and all of the sudden he becomes a father of a two year old.

    "That would be keeewwweeelll"
    "Yes, of course I love...."
    "Oh you are the keeewwweeellleesssttt"

    - Oh god. I want to punch this man in the dick. -

    "I'm sure it will be baby."
    "Don't worry. Everything will be fine"

    - 30 seconds later -

    "Yes, TRUST ME, don't worry. I'll rent that movie later."

    These are the kind of people that should kill themselves. They should go straight out and get neutered. There should be lines and lines of people lined up in front of a window that has a sign that reads:

    PUBLIC NEUTERING. WE ARE THE HYGENE OF THE WORLD

    And at that window they would ask you things such as:
    "Do you use baby talk on the phone while you are at work to soothe your partners apprehension?"
    "Do you talk differently to your partner then you talk to others?"
    "Are you often told that you are pathetic and do you notice eye rolls when you are out with or talking to your partner?"
    "Do you feel as though you live in a dream land with your partner and thus are allowed to act in a totally inappropriate manner revolving around sappy talk to mask your obvious boring self and your constant contempt for your partner?"


    And then they would usher you inside where a chair awaits with a huge rubber band hanging from the middle of the seat. The male sits in the seat and drops his pants. The rubber band is then wrapped around his testacles until they fall off. They are then shuffled to a table where they can have their fill of cookies and soda.



    Wednesday, October 20, 2004

     
    Stomach Ulcer

    My stomach is a little torn up now. I got some irritable news. I'm not going to discuss that news, because airing dirty laundry has to be behind me at this stage...right? Right? Yeah...it is. But, the feeling won't leave me for the rest of the day. It's going to eat at me and cause me to use my phone overtly and sequester advice from people that have no business giving me advice. I may go out and get absolutely obliterated this evening because of this. I'll have to, by some strong will, take my phone and hide it from myself...but it's going to be difficult not to make an ass out of myself and be a weird combination of jealous and insecure. But, that's not really me anymore, so until I do reach that boiling point, I'll just attempt to be collected. I'll attempt to be quiet and let things unravel the way they should be.

    I love you.

     
    Red Sox - Yankees
    I wrote about the Red Sox / Yankees and the lowely Cubs last year. I don't really care too much for this year's Yankee / Red Sox matchup. Why? A gut feeling I guess. A gut feeling that I don't really like either of these teams. I mean quite honestly I'd like to see the Red Sox win, but you know what I'm going to say that I never thought I would say? I like this Yankee team. I like Sheffield and A-Rod. I like Matsui. I don't care much for Mussina but that's more personal than anything else. If he was on my team again, or any of these guys for that matter, I would have fist fights in the stands over them being cursed at. Why do I like them? It's because, despite that they play for the hated Yankees, and depsite that they make gatrillions of pesos, I watch them hustle and make plays. It's just really these guys though. Jeter, I can't possibly like him because he's a snot. And the rest I've watched play in pinstripes for too long for me to even think another way about them. But, the reality is that those guys I listed before play the game hard and they play it the right way. I have to respect that. Maybe that's what's dragging me down this year. How can I root for Boston? How can I root for Manny Ramirez? I like Trot and Varitek, Pedro and Schilling. But the rest of them I don't really give too shits about and besides Barry Bonds, Manny Ramirez is my least favorite player.

    But this years game 7 seems anti-climatic to last years. This years game 7 seems bloated and built up a little too much. This has the smell of a fix. But who am I to speak on conspiracy theories? I wish people would watch the Cardinals instead of eating this up so much, beacuse I tell you what folks, the team coming out of the National League, psst...come closer..."THAT'S THE BETTER TEAM!".

    Of course I'm going to watch the game tonight. Of course I'm going to get to see 20 more Budweiser Commercials flanked on each side by Cialis and Dodge Professional Grade trucks. Yes, I get to see those things FOX TV. Congratulations you got what you wanted and so did everyone else. But this year...this year....I just don't really give a shit.

     
    Jon Stewart CNN Interview

    Ok so I watched this Jon Stewart thing that everyone keeps talking about. Ehh. I'm not all that impressed with the new "cocaine free Dennis Miller". I love political satire and I love comedy but Jon Stewart, doesn't do it for me most of the time. Though he has that, "Gee, gosh did I break your flower pot mam?" look to him. I don't feel strongly about his comedy or his message. But, on this little 15 minutes of tape I did sort of understand him.

    It occurred to me that Jon wasn't there to talk about anything other than the media. He was there to attack crossfire. He wasn't there to answer political questions or give a run down of the candidates as he sees it. He was there to shit on "Bow Tie Pansy" and "Whiney Pig Face Liberal". And you know what? They played right into his hands. I think at some point Stewart said something like,

    "Hey buddy, if you are comparing your show to mine; a show that is preceeded by swearing puppets making prank phone calls, then we're in trouble."

    Actual quote via Oliver's site -
      "If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to.... I wouldn't aim for us. I'd aim for "Seinfeld." That's a very good show.... But my point is this. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows."

      "You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls."

    I was close.

    I got Jon's message, and his message is right. The media does not do justice to the American people by squaring off against itself. Jon uses the term political hacks, but what they really are are meaningless puppets. I know deep down that's what he wanted to say. All they do is wave black and white flags in front of our face to the point where we don't even care what the flags means We are more concerned by the weather causing the flags to undulate at a different height today.

    The media does not ask questions that may subject a presidential candidate or a high-ranking official of our Gov't to discomfort, much less pressure. The media has betrayed America by becoming one of it's biggest businesses overrun by greed. The media delivers us information that by all objective standards could be compared to nothing more than pornographic violence intended to distract us from the betterment of our lives as non-consumers.

    Here is the link to watch the show. I recommend it. Hey, for all you FOX viewers out there, he does say the word, "Dick". Now that will get ya clicking I'm sure.



    Tuesday, October 19, 2004

     
    Match.com

    Jas wanted me to write and she sent me this so I'll write about this.
    From match.com
      WELL I'M A 21 YR. OLD YOUNG INDEPENDENT WOMEN. THAT LIKES TO DO WHATEVER. JUST GETING UP AND DOING WHATEVER COMES TO MY MIND. CAUSE I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL ME NOT TO, AND NO LUGEDE BEHIND ME. AND I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ON A SIMULAR LIFE STYLE AS MY OWN. AND SOME ONE WHO WANTS A GOOD FRIEND AND TO POSSIBLY FALL IN LOVE AND EXPRIENCE NEW THINGS WITH SOME ONE NEW. BUT ONE THING THAT REALLY TURNS ME OFF IS SOMEONE WHO PLAYS GAMES. AND ALSO NOT SOME ONE WITH ALOT OF TRAMMA SUCH AS CRAZY EX GIRLFRIENDS. AS LONG AS UR OUT GOING AND KNOW HOW TO SHOW A GIRL A GOOD TIME AND KEEP A SMILE ON MY FACE. THAT 'S ALL THAT MATTERS. I'M NOT A MATTERIAL GIRL. EVERYTHING I HAVE A GOT MY SELF OR MY DADDY GOT ME. LIKE I SAID I'M DADDYS LIL GIRL. SO IF U CAN'T RESPECT ME AS MUCH AS MY FATHER DOES IF NOT MORE, THEN LESS I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH U SO DON'T EVEN TRY. I DON'T LIKE CORNY GUYS WITH THE SANDALS AND THE HIGH SOCKS . I LIKE SOME ONE WITH AN UP TO DATE STYLE. AND VERY CLEAN, BUT CLASSY AT THE SAME TIME . SO WHEREEVER U ARE MR. WOUNDERFUL I 'M WAITING ...........................
    Yeah that's...that's just...stupid. I don't even know. Here's what i'm picturing though. I'm picturing some sort of mail order bride that doesn't speak English very well. She came here and got dumped and then possibly her "daddy" moved here as well. There's nothing in this post that I find awful because the whole post is awful. It's not as though I can pick anything out and make fun of it because you just don't laugh at the helpless. You just kind of role your eyes and move on, unless...unless you ever meet this person. Then you have the right to laugh. You have the right to laugh your balls off until they fall onto the floor and roll around.

    "What way should I be ashamed?"
    "The way my man just took 100 dollars of your money, bitch!" - - Cute - -



    Monday, October 18, 2004

     
    Music Update

    I've been listening to a good bit of new music lately. Some of these songs may be old but hell they are new to me. Here are some hi-lites. Does anyone know how to spell high-lights properly? Highlites. That looks right. Anyway here are some things for your consideration. They can all be found via Large Hearted Boy - I'm much to lazy to even think about going and finding all the links. Why? Because I already have all these songs fucker...that's why.

    The Black Keys - The Lengths - This song is incredible. It's slow. It's sad. It's beautiful and the guy has that great broken crackly smokers kind of voice. I just can't get enough of this song.

    Beck - Everbody's Gotta Learn Sometime - It's the song from the Spotless Mind. It's not the most wordy song in the world. But, somehow, with 20 second pauses it manages to get through with only 5 lines of chorus. It's good Sea Changes type Beck.

    Badly Drawn Boy - Year of the Rat
    - This isn't his best work or anything but his worst work outshines most people's best. It's simple. It's quiet. It's clingy and it's exactly what most people need.

    The Fiery Furnaces - Chris Michaels - These guys are coming to the Ottobar at the end of the month. I'll be there. This song is like 7 minutes long and it changes faces about 6 times. But, it tells a cute little tale about spying on someone who's cheating and it has two distinct singers, one a girl, and the other sounds like the guy from Cornershop.

    Kimya Dawson - Loose Lips - I mean if you don't about Kimya I just feel really sorry for you. You'll never want to be friends with someone more than you would want to be friends with Kimya.

    Hope of the States - Nehemiah - Hmm...it sounds like The Verve but if The Verve were not very good. That's not all that much of a loss considering the skills of The Verve. It may tickle some people more than me. I like most of their stuff. This just doesn't strike me as a move in the right direction.

    Cat Power - I don't Blame You - I like Cat Power a lot. I've liked them for a while they just haven't had anything for me to crow about. This song really isn't all that much to preach about but I wanted to put them in here because they have a solid way about them.

    The Libertines - Hooligans on E - You know...these guys...well...I wish had someone else to listen to them with who already liked them and I didn't have to convince them that they were a good band. Because I tried that the other day. I attempted to say that The LIbertines were a damn good band...it's almost like trying to get someone to like the Sex Pistols without understanding the Sex Pistols. I don't think they are very talented but I like their songs. They are simple tunes that are easy to lsiten to and always manage to make you at least once want to get up and dance.

    The Streets - Fit but You Know It - British rappers. Should have left it to Slick Rick because I don't care how many times he gets into rolling stone Mike Street, or whatever his names is nothing more than a witty British guy. He has no flow or anything. It's just kind of a joke. But this song is actually kind of cute.

    The Court & Spark - No Hex - My Morning Jacket meets Kings of Leon. Well maybe - I like this band. I like most bands with a slight country draw and an easy jam band kind of fluffiness to them. This song is a slow ballad that sound like Randy Travis doing Bob Dylan.


    John Vanderslice - They Won't Let Me Run - Yeah we've all read about the genius Indie producer now out singing live and taking people on. But he bills the hype and his songs...especially this one, are extremely well put together. It sounds exactly like what it is, a producer making his own music.

    Citizens Here and Abroad - Appearances - This usually isn't my cup of tea but since they used a little reverb on the guitars and almost tried not to sing poppy they got in. But, it's really really close to being radio friendly and sickeningly good. The chorus alone and the ease of the song make you want to make out with a girl. This song will be in a Gap commercial soon.


    IN OTHER NEWS - one of my favorite bands of all time broke up not too long ago. Remy Zero from Gerogia broke up this year. They have decided to go and do their own things. Prophecy was probably their first slight hit, in a Harvey Dnager type vein but only sort of locally, and then they did Save Me for Smallworld and ended their band much like I knew they would. Once good bands sell out in order to pay the bills they can't look at each other in the face anymore and have to go be reborn in new music. I'll miss Remy Zero. It was a good band. www.remyzero.com


     
    Planes, Trains, and Impotent Wills
    I mean by this point, when it comes to America, I just choose ignorance until I can be inspired to fight for a cause. It is the above average intelligent who usually believe in propaganda (where did I read that?). And it is them who are more likely to follow the revolution and dream apple plum thoughts about change. I don't really know what to believe about my country anymore.

    I wish someone would just send me to war. I'd rather go kill nameless little brown people, that i've been told to hate, on the other side of the world as opposed to watching others do it and never really knowing anything. I'd rather be the one that holds the whip than one that is protected by the them.

    I watched those debates and I watched stupid documentaries and read really radical websites and it all just confuses me. It all makes me feel awful. It makes me feel impotent with rage. It's as though someone were making you watch a video of your mother being tortured and all you had to do was some simple physical task to set her free but you find that you are a paraplegic. It feels like that.

    I feel sick when I think about what I don't know and about how little control I have over anything other than the TV channel I choose to watch, the music I listen to or the books that I read. Hell, even the food I eat is contaminated. Even the places I want to travel to have me tracked and tagged while I move. I can only have freedom through meaningless escapes. This is making me feel nauseous just talking about it.

    This is sort of interesting though -

    http://www.freedomunderground.org/memoryhole/pentagon.php#Main. It's a short flash presentation about the plane that was never found at the Pentagon. The music it's set to is unnecessary but the info is rather unsettling.

    Can't you just feel a revolution coming? Can't you just feel some sort of awful pain and bloodshed against America coming from within? I can. It's rather depressing to know that I fear my own Government more than I do anything else in the world. But I guess that was the whole point.



    Wednesday, October 13, 2004

     
    Update

    No, I haven't been writing very much. Yes, I'm in good spirits but find myself not really participating in life outside of my own and hence have no interest in actually adhering to the feeling of participation. What? Huh? I don't look at things anymore and find them interesting to the point where I feel as though I can add enjoyment to them for other by writing about them. I look at things over the past few weeks and smirk to myself and sort of move on. My desire to share over the past few weeks has diminished. My desire to explore over the past few months has all but dwindled to nothing. I was concerned when my job started that I was not taking full advantage of the opportunity I had been given and now I am not merely concerned but I am appalled at my own apathy. I am ashamed of the strides I have made to better myself not only in my field but in my lifestyle. Things will improve, they always do. Any form of expression, unless you are driven by it throughout your entire life (i.e. you hope to make money or support yourself from the trade), has an ebb and flow.

    I did see Eternal Sunhsine of the Spotless Mind. I thought it was really good and knew it reminded me of the Adaptation and Malkovich and found at the same guy did the writing on all those (Charlie Kaufman). And it's shot well and the music is kick ass. I miss Jas. I miss her a good bit.



    Friday, October 08, 2004

     
    Volcano

    Don't hold yourself like that
    You'll hurt your knees
    I kissed your mouth and back
    But that's all I need
    Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down

    What I am to you is not real
    What I am to you you do not need
    What I am to you is not what you mean to me
    You give me miles and miles of mountains
    And I'll ask for the sea

    Don't throw yourself like that
    In front of me
    I kissed your mouth your back
    Is that all you need?
    Don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down

    What I am to you is not real
    What I am to you you do not need
    What I am to you is not what you mean to me
    You give me miles and miles of mountains
    And I'll ask for what I give to you
    Is just what i'm going through
    This is nothing new
    No no just another phase of finding what I really need
    Is what makes me bleed
    And like a new disease she's still too young to treat
    Volcanoes melt me down
    She's still too young
    I kissed your mouth
    You do not need me



    Tuesday, October 05, 2004

     
    Milk out of My Nose

    Chapelle -

    I went to Disney World. This shit is like a seperate country inside of America.
    They have their own money down there. I checked into the hotel
    "Welcome to Disney World Mr. Chapelle. Can I interest you in some Disney Dollars?"
    "Nah...bitch I'm cool. You can't buy weed and pussy with Disney Dollars. This is my vacation. I'm here to have fun. I ain't gonna buy 800 dollars worth of balloons. Shit."

     
    Match.com Makes Me Think

    Match.com hasn't really mixed up the selection lately so it's been kind of dry out there. There's that and the idea that all people who are on this thing write and describe themselves the same way so it gets kind of boring. But...every once in a while you come across a pearl like this.
      I am a bit of a romantic and appreciate chivalry, quirks; small details will not go unnoticed. I enjoy romantic evenings spent in front of a fireplace, before a sunset, beach, or a crescent moon while cuddling. If you like the sound of this rhetoric then lets converse and become friends, so we can gauge our compatibility
    I like the use of the semi-colon but find this description disturbing. Who writes shit like this to describe a romantic encounter? This would be my reply to any email from her:
      I would want to see the breadth of your hips and size of your breasts to make sure that our breeding will be optimal. We can create strong off-spring that can jump to reach the highest coconut and who themselves will create many kings.
    I don't know where these people come from or what happens to women when they turn 25 - 29, but it's quite frightening. They all of the sudden take on an air of something. They aren't quite sure what it is but they need it and they guard this new personality that they have interjected into their lives. I think they feel as though it gives them strength when in actuality it's just a poor charade put on to quell their own insecurities and fool themselves into thinking that very few men are good enough for them.

    Be weary of women who all-of-the-sudden get goals. It's the same thing as when college guys all-of-the-sudden started smoking pot and listening to either The Beatles, Bob Marley, or Phish way too much. You remember that friend and how he changed, well when women get frustrated with their marrying agendas they turn into a strange mutation of that guy. Instead of being enlightened by the idea of music or art and extending their mind through drugs women become very closed and bitter and would rather turn to an 8 inch vibrator and an excuse as opposed to smiling anymore. They seem to hate the world and blame all men as the cause of their loneliness. So what do they do? They go out and read a book, or find a taxing job, (where by the way they are more than likely paid less then the man doing the same work) or surround themselves with an equally bitter and saged clan of women by whom she can eat cheetos with and sit around saying things like "All men are pigs."

    Oh, does that sound chauvinistic. Oh well, it's not women I have a problem with having these traits. Women are beyond me. I'm talking about girls, and face it ladies it's a butterfly period from 25-29. If you are manless then you turn to anger and booze. If you have a man then you turn to turkey loafs and cleaning products. I don't know what to really make of it but rest assured that my love for your species is there I just find assertiveness in women, at least angry unattractive women with nothing to really say, extremely unpleasant and uncharacteristic of yourself.

    Ladies, be natural in your approaches. Be a woman. There's no need for you to impress men with your intelligence. Because, we don't get impressed. We get impressed by physical attributes, grace, humor, energy, and the willingness to adapt to our way of life. Don't attempt to supplant your ambitions in the foreground of patriarchal evolution. I.e. don't make a man feel like less of a man. Intimidation through non-matriarchal channels will backfire on you.

    BTW - 2 things -

    I am absolutely thrilled with my new 'girlfriend'. Jasikah is the best thing that's happened to me in forever, and she might get upset by this post. That's ok it's fun to see her angry.

    Adultfriendfinder.com is the most hilarious website on Earth.



    Monday, October 04, 2004

     
    Breckt
    Change your heart, look around you
    Change your heart, it will astound you
    I need your loving like the sunshine
    And everybody's gotta learn sometime
    Everybody's gotta learn sometime



    Friday, October 01, 2004

     
    Neil Young
    Did I see you down in a young girl's town
    With your mother in so much pain?
    I was almost there at the top of the stairs
    With her screamin' in the rain.

    Did she wake you up to tell you that
    It was only a change of plan?
    Dream up, dream up, let me fill your cup
    With the promise of a man.

    Did I see you walking with the boys
    Though it was not hand in hand?
    And was some black face in a lonely place
    When you could understand?

    Did she wake you up to tell you that
    It was only a change of plan?
    Dream up, dream up, let me fill your cup
    With the promise of a man.

    Will I see you give more than I can take?
    Will I only harvest some?
    As the days fly past will we lose our grasp
    Or fuse it in the sun?

    Did she wake you up to tell you that
    It was only a change of plan?
    Dream up, dream up, let me fill your cup
    With the promise of a man.


     
    Whatever that was on TV

    So yeah I watched the debate last night. I don't really think I'd call it a debate as much as it was two monkeys trying not to get too close to the laser shield but still putting on enough of a show to get the banana that they so covet.

    I guess I feel like it's my civic duty to have two clowns justify my feeling of political wantonness and indifference. And that they did without a doubt. I have to say that Kerry, despite fumbling every opportunity to crush our current evil leader, he seemed somehow, more adept at being less of a fuck. The same way Bush seemed more adept at being less of a pussy when he and Gore went head to head.

    Here's my quick recap of the debate as I remember it:

    "Iraq. Iraq. Iraq. My opponent this. My opponent that. This president can't this. This president can't that. I don't know. Alliance. Oil. Iraq. Iraq. Iraq. Umm, umm, Saddam I mean Osama. Umm, umm, umm, umm,...Homeland security. 30 billion! 30 billion more!!!??? Ahhh! 1984. Ahhh! Canada sounds lovely in 2006. Oh wait they won't let me leave. Umm, umm, umm, Iraq, Iraq. Tony Blair is my buddy. Saddam is bad. We won. Troops. Body armor. Tanks. More ARMY!!?. Offensive is the way to win the world, I mean war. Iraq. Iraq. His cards got jumbled up and now he's lost. He has said the word "folks" and has used verb endings incorrectly at least 10 times. "The soldiers is doing a great a job" *was that my president who said that? Iraq. Iraq. Oil. Some company making money. Kerry peppering again with another heart warming 2 sentence story about a mother selling her teeth to send her son a flack jacket. Iraq. Afghanistan. Some Islamic name that Bush has been practicing for weeks. Kerry looks like he's 150. Iraq. Iraq. Iraq. Who cares anymore? Our country is no longer enviable? Justice schmustice. Iraq. Where's Nader? Why doesn't Nader get to debate? Why doesn't Sharpton get to debate? This sucks. Puffy and his Mohawk and MTV and Eddie Vedder can all suck my dick."

    I mean if you want me to vote for Kerry you are just fucking mistaken. I'll vote republican any day before I vote democrat I just won't vote for any republican I just believe in their agenda more I guess. Taxes suck, civil liberties like guns and stuff are good...God is kind of a weird leverage so that makes me cringe but damned if I'm voting for Democrats...eww...Democrats are like a sweet old grandmother from a hundred yards away - "Hey Granny. Oh it's been so long. Hey Granny? Why are you taking my money and giving it to the homeless people? Granny, you look the same as ugly uncle Republican up close only he at least takes 7% less of my money".

    Anyway - What would actually be cool would be if everyone voted for Kermit the Frog or "Any fucking loser anywhere as long as he isn't controlled by rich fat greasy white people with loads of money." If that was a check box and I voted or you had to vote I guarantee it would bring at least 30%.

     
    Update
    So I've been sick. Not, cough cough* ugh I don't feel well sick. Because I get that way and I don't give a shit. I'm talking, "BRET WENT TO THE DOCTOR ON HIS OWN WILL" sick. I couldn't swallow. I fell down when I walked. Anyway...Penicillin and Ambien and now I'm back. Well...sort of...I can't really go boozin for a while...

    Doctor:"Do you drink?"
    Me:"Sure do Doc"
    Doctor:"Do you drink Gasoline?"




    Favorites List
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    Quote(S)
    Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

    Bands That I Check Schedules For
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    Oasis Album Revew
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    Starting Fires With Grass Stains
    Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
    Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
    Stupid Secrets
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