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I Kan't Spell



Monday, March 21, 2005

 
Odds and Ends

  • I hate planes on Monday. And I don't mean hate them the way I hate back olives. I mean hate them the way the Visigoth's hated the Huns. There is nothing worse than the damp walk of workers shuffled to cities such as Duluth, Albany, Phoenix, Portland, and Detroit. There is the pain of the check in. Flight at 7:30 - boarding at 6:15. GROUP 4! Damnit. I hate Group 4!
      Now boarding all first class passengers.
      Now boarding all premier mercury gold elite members.
      Now boarding all premier silver members.
      Now boarding all premier bronze members with eagle stats.
      Now boarding group 1 silver super boarders.
      Now boarding group 1 elite members.
      Now boarding group 1.
      .
      .
      .
      And so on...

    By 7:20 I'm sleeping in a seat made for a hunched 80 year old Chinese women. If I don't get a window seat I am so cranky it's not even cute. You can always tell the pro passengers. They have the neck pillow, easy reading magazine, and before the plane takes off they are fucking napping. And I swear if someone keeps that window open at 7 a.m. with that sun glaring in I will stare at them until smoke is coming from the side of their head.
  • Cashew/Peanut mix is dreadful. Damn peanuts and their ability to spawn more rapidly and take up less volume in silos. Why does the peanut get all the attention? Is there no cashew oil I ask? Is there no need for macadamia mulch? Damnit to all hell you peanut. Would we like you better if there were less you? We would hate the Brazil nut if it were equally plentiful. I think not. I think we would always hate the bland, awful, choke hazard, peanut.
  • Talked to my father today. It deserves it's own post but I would rather not dwell on it and there are only about - 2 of you out there that really respect my plight - or have to deal directly with it. It felt good to talk to him. I'll probably call him more often. That's all. I told him to read this for more updates.
  • Yes, I am eating beef jerky and honey roasted cashews/peanuts for dinner. But I am washing it down with some milk. Why, do you ask? Oh because I'm still working and will be for a long time. And this kind of food allows me to feel as though I should be working.
  • J Peterman is the most awful character ever invented. There is no way that his role was planned. He totally just ran with it.
  • Detroit is the Arab capital of the world. My buddy Giri confirmed it today. It's kind of strange to be a part of. Everyone where I am working this week is Arab. There are scarves, turbans, shawls, lots of gold, satin/clingy clothes, lunch smells that rival the sewers of a small Bolivian town. While I really don't mind any of this, the atmosphere is a little strange. No one really speaks English, it's awkward with the accents and not being able to really understand anyone.
  • Putty on the other hand is a great character. One of my favorite moments is the one when Kramer is putting in the disposal in his shower and he calls Putty and he is just sitting there:
      Kramer: Hey is Putty there?
      Putty: Yeah.
      Kramer: Putty?
      Putty: Yeah....this is Putty.
      Kramer: Hey you're a mechanic.
      Putty: Yeah, that's right.
      Kramer: Hey can you help me install a garbage disposal.
      Putty: Well that's a pretty big job. You have to take off the latch hatch from the subline
      Kramer: It says Main Line.
      Putty: Yeah...That's a misprint.
    I guess you had to be there.
  • I like that I don't smoke during the week. Well two a day. But that's not bad. Hell Bartlett smokes two a day.
  • "These are the days" by 10,000 Maniacs only brings back one memory for me. My freshman year at Calvert Hall, they put together a slide show of our first few weeks of school to have viewed by the entire school. This song played and there was a picture of me in my chubtastic glory sitting shirtless on the bench with a nice chub role chilling over my shorts. Everyone giggled. I was unhappy to say the least. I made the team anyway fuckers.
  • Fat Albert is out on video.
  • Lip gloss on girls is intimidating and unnecessary. And to be honest, it feels pretty gross.
  • This fat guy that was on the Full Monty has his own sitcom. I'm watching it for some reason and I hate it. Oh shit...and the kid from Boy Meets World is on this show. That's about as much of a death kiss as Seven was to Married with Children. He hasn't aged very well. And let me get this straight this guys sells hardware appliance or toilets or something and he lives in a 3 bedroom house with a teenage son and a wife that doesn't work. Hmm...yeah...no...
  • George Costanza and Malcolm Jamal Warner have no NONE zip ZERO on screen chemistry. I don't know what this show is called but it's really awful.
  • You aren't a fraud kiddo.
  • Al Michael's call of "Do you believe in miracles?" is the most famous announcing call ever. You can go with "Get's buy Bucker!" but nahhhh.
  • Ottobar on Saturday: Douglas - strap on. The Oranges Band, Hold steady, Hockey Island and Dactyl. The Oranges band is pretty damn hot.
  • Jack Bower (Bauer) who cares - has killed 84 people in 12 hours. This show is stupid as all hell.

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