Marijuana
When I was a kid - like all teenage and college kids - I smoked marijuana.
I liked it because I thought different - I liked it alone more than with people. Maybe certain people like 1 or 2 was ok.
I didn’t like it around groups of people or strangers because I could tell who was lying, evil, not a friend, dangerous - I had all these heightened sensories that went to extremes. And they made me act crazy.
Maybe that’s from being abused as a child - that my intuition is to find harm before good. Maybe that’s why some people who do it see good and have fun and all I see is trauma and pain.
Anyway - that gift though not as intense sober developed in an underbelly of my personality. You pair that with 20-30 books on reading lies, Freud, crappy self help, dime store psycho advice from friends and relatives, enough reading of the fiction of the 20s to be dangerous and you have this ability to see not only when someone is lying to you but when they are lying to themselves.
That last one you can’t fix because they don’t even know it. That last one is up to them - but when your alarm bells and radar are just going “nope something is wrong here” that’s all I feel. And I swear this is going to sound hippie dippy but your senses have been developed over millions and billions of years for survival - you are the top of the evolutionary food chain of everything that came before you and survived and passed on their dna from the amoeba to the turtle to the human.., and the most basic instinct is survival - sensing danger, avoiding pain - I believe in that. And I’m in tune with mine. Sometimes it’s off and sometimes it’s cloudy but it’s there and it’s not black and white - it’s a wave of feeling that something isn’t right…
When I was young and would be around people on marijuana I could see their eyes and looks and words and fake laughs or maybe even see that they were really stupid or mean… and I would feel that deeply. And looking back on who I felt that about - I was 100% right about everyone I felt things about it and who they turned out to be.
Manifest over - bad writing - a bit of note taking more than anything
